Got a difference of opinion? Bring it on...
Angie@thefishingoddess.com
Want to email me how much you love or hate me? Come on let me make a fool out of you or sing your praises. Worried about being embarrassed? How come? It's just the internet...
CONTINUE PAST ALL THE WARNINGS TO GET TO THE GOOD STUFF
THIS SITE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK AND SENSITIVE OUTDOORSMAN!
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED THEN GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SITE!
MISSION STATEMENT...
Just look at me as the self proclaimed warrior against yuppies and geeks taking over our beloved outdoor sports and ruining them by jacking up the prices, scaring the game, getting in our way and worse of all having to look or deal with these dumbasses.
MENTAL NOTE...
When we refer to fly fishermen and we are making fun of them we are refering to Purist Fly Fishermen or what I'd like to call...
DESIGNER FLY FISHERMEN
Most fly fishermen are way cool it's just a few of them that ruin it for the many and they must be stoppppppped!!!
SECOND WARNING...
My web site is not a reliable source of information. All content is based on hearsay, my personal opinion and fiction. None of these facts are checked by anyone not even me. In fact most of the time I can't even tell what is reality or what I dreamed last night. Yes, my dreams are that real.
COUNTER FROM MY SITE STATISTIC'S PAGE
5,076,223 viewers... That's about 40,000 hits a week folks.
WOW, OVER THREE MILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY WEB SITE! SCARY ISN'T IT?
BTW I get fan mail from Germany to Australia. I'm loved around the world and toted as one of the best fisher women that ever held a rod (could that be misconstrued?).
My My My... A lot of people just READ my site. What about the rest of yous fishing sites? That's right they just come there to post bullshit on forums and no one reads what you really have to say.
What does this mean? That you're about as entertaining as silt on a river rock. Oh OUCH!!!! If I had a forum to estimate my site number just quadruple it if you want to accurately compare me to other sites
According to John Koenig the infamous guide on the Skagit anything I catch 16 pounds and over is....
20 plus pounds! I'm glad some one is on my side!
That's right I'm in BC.
Ma ha ha ha
I'm sitting here in Iraq, and finally got a little time to surf the net
inbetween being shot at and blown up, and cruised on over to your page to
see what was new. NOTHING was new. If not for the lazy fatasses who read
your page and get off to your pic, at least put something new up for your
boys in Iraq. A little fish porn, a picture of a big animal someone killed,
or at least make fun of people from Michigan. I haven't been fishing in 4
months now, and could use some support, because I've got 6 months of bullet
dogding to go.
Anyway, hope to see some new stuff soon.
Matt Germann
Lcpl USMC
FOB HIT IRAQ
(the ohio guy holding the steelhead at the bottom of your rants page.)
My apologies Matt and to the rest of my brethren.
APRIL 2005 WHAT DO TERRI SHIAVO AND THE POPE HAVE IN COMMON?
“Terri’s body can be found under my bed.”
Was the message I text messaged to all my favorite friends on a drunken Friday Night.
The response...
“Who knew”
“That’s not Teri. That’s the Pope.”
“What does that mean?” (One of my current event challenged friends.)
“Do you need help disposing of the body?”
My response...
“I’m making beef jerky out of her.”
The response...
“Is that like Hue mon beef?”
“You’re a sick fuck and that’s why we love you.”
“What does that mean?” (I really really have to figure out which friend that was.)
“Need anymore pepper?”
“Is the jerky ready yet?”
Let’s us all give a big round of applause to Terri Shiavo’s parents. They sure did love her. I’m glad my parents don’t love me like that. They’d pull the plug in a heart beat. I think Terri Shiavo’s parents should be stuck on life support for about 12 years, immobilized and see how it feels. Actually here’s a thought! I’m thinking they are punishing her for being a dirty little slut when she was a teenager. She was quite the hottie back in the day. Yup that’s it!
And you thought “Mommie Dearest” was bad?
On a serious note...
Please note I am crossing myself. The Pope is dead and even though I haven’t gone to church for years, I cried. I guess I’m a true Catholic. I noticed that the Media is all aghast about them parading and viewing the dead body for a week. Saying it’s so Medieval and crap.
Hello people! Can we talk people?
They’re seeing if it will raise from the dead.
How stupid are ya all?
Sorry, Bubba! My fridge can't hold the meat!
Hmmmmmm---- Fishing has been spotty for steelhead. The Native Americans that are supposively quitting netting are still doing it here and there. But what I do know is the following...
THE WDFW GAVE HALF OF THE SPRINGERS TO THE NATIVE AMERICANS ON THE COLUMBIA
So what does that mean? Well, you’ve read the reports and my buddy Chappy was on the Kalama this weekend and didn’t get shit in high water.
You can figure it out and speaking of NATIVE AMERICAN NETTING.... The rant from March kind of sums up my feelings on it. Please don’t take this as being racist, it’s just heart felt and only applies to...
THE BASTARDS IN THE NORTHWEST...
To the rest of North America I’m sorry you didn’t have a bronze age.
Oh yeah, look forward to another Bob and Steve adventure as I EXPLAIN NATIVE NETTING TO YOU WITH CHARACTERS MY 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CAN UNDERSTAND!
If you don’t get it click on this link:
http://www.freshseafood.com/store/detail.aspx?sn=FreshSalmon&id=1&cat=1
Where the hell does this fresh wild salmon come from, fairies wearing boots?
Hey, I didn't know we could name tackle after awesome beer.
It looked like these guys had one too many redhooks to go thru that shit.
Let us all stand up and give a big applause or standing ovation to all them catch and release freaks out there. Yup, let’s give them a hearty thank you! Let’s send them some dead flowers in appreciation of what they’ve done to us.
Or better yet let’s put them in a diving suit and make them swim up the mouth or a river right into one of them thar nets
STRUNG ALL AWAY ACROSS!
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE OUR REDSKIN BROTHERS (I think Angie is going to be racist in this rant don’t you?) FULL CONTROL?
YES, GIVING THEM FORGONE OPPURTUNITY WAS TO GIVE THEM FULL CONTROL (you ever see a redskin put back a fish ALIVE?)
And what did I say last year if we gave up our harvesting rights?
Didn’t I say that was just going to give them red faced alcoholic crank addicted bastards free reign?
SO LET ME JUST SAY I TOLD YOU SO! OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
On the bright side Bob Ball just committed “Guide-o-cide” and will soon be leaving our beloved state to go guide in Oregon. Careful down there folks! MRS. Cowey is coming to a town near you and you better hope it isn’t Tillamook. Just don’t let her near the cheese factories. She’ll pull a “SpongeBob” and just lay in one and get bigger and bigger and bigger till she envelopes the whole entire town...
And what size moving truck will Booby have to rent to move her down there? I’m placing bets on the 50 footer. Remember what happens when you marry any woman (unless she’s me) they always gain weight, so what will she get up to now? 500?
I just watched “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” This month. Remember burning mamma in the farm house because they couldn’t get the body down the stairs. That’s right folks! Booby’s future!
So can we blame the “NETTING EVERYDAY ON THE HOH AS SEEN ON BOB BALL’S WEB SITE” on him? Well, of course we can. Wasn’t it Bob Ball that went to that August meeting to try to save the wild steelhead by giving up HIS CHOICE TO BONK OR NOT TO BONK?
And after all that the best part to all this is to watch people like Bob complain and whine and scratch there heads because they can’t understand
WHY THEM PIONEER SCALPERS ARE NETTING LIKE CRAZY.
BECAUSE YOU CATCH AND RELEASE ADVOCATES GAVE THEM OUR FORGONE OPPURTUNITY.
Forgone Oppurtunity: Defined as... Since the WDFW has to harvest over escapement fish we gave our harvest rights up to the Native Americans of Washington State.
So how many times do I have to say this?
You did it to yourselves. You did it to yourselves. Ha ha ha ha
First we gave up our rights to harvest here in the Puget Sound. WE? Hmmmmmm let’s find another term for that one shall we?
First “the dumbasses” gave up our rights to harvest here in Puget Sound and it took 10 years for the steelhead to go bye bye. Remember 1996 my brethren?
What makes things even worse is the fact that
STEELHEAD ARE NOT EVEN A TRIBAL STAPLE. IN FACT THE TREATY SAYS IT’S ALL ABOUT SALMON AND STEELHEAD AREN’T EVEN A SALMON. THEY WERE TURNED INTO A SALMON BY SOME ASSHOLE LEGISLATURE THAT OWNS SOME FISHING EMPIRE UP IN ALASKA SO HE COULD LEGALLY NET THEM.
So as the great Britney Spears would say!
“Whoops I did it again!” We now did it to the Peninsula. Way to go you faggot dumbasses!
What I really love is the fact that since I’m not fishing this January and February, because really folks what is the fucking point? I’m on the internet doing a little research (torturing the intolerably insane and not just in fishing forums anymore folks.) People keep asking me that I am torturing “I’m going fishing, why aren’t you loser?”
New Mastercard Commerical
Waste $50 on gas
Waste $50 on a baby sitter
Lose favorite plug, fly, spinner or spoon on a tree limb (because it ain’t gonna be a fish)
Get skunked in “Big Fish February” because the Skagits have caught every f**ing fish!
$Priceless......
So why waste the time energy and money?
I might as well just join them old guys that sit in my bar tipping the shit out of me and play pull tabs all day long the odds are about the same.
Oh I know! Get all that money in one dollar bills and have a little Native American Fire in my back yard and dance around it singing jibberish. I’ll even put some beads and feathers in my long black hair. You know I think I’ll spit in the next person’s face that asks me if I’m part INDIAN. Just because I have black hair and big doe brown lovely eyes DOES NOT MAKE ME A GODDAMN INDIAN I COULD BE SPANISH FOR CHRIST SAKES.
Now I know a lot of you are getting turned off with my little racial references to our fine redskin brethren but I’m making racial references BECAUSE THEY ARE PLAYING THE RACE CARD AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT.
“Oh WDFW you’re trying to stop our netting because your RACIST.”
(my head bangs upon the wall, my head bangs upon thy wall, oh mother mary where are you in my time of trial)
And call me paranoid but isn’t Steven Spielberg putting out a heart wrenching Indian saga on all the slaughter we did to them this month? I swear his timing is just perfect. I say CONSPIRACY THEORY! Steven Spielberg is in on it!
Because you all know that after we see all them babies kicked in the head, women shot in the back, and old men throat’s slit that when we complain about them taking a couple of stupid fish the NON-SPORTSMAN WORLD is just not going to understand.
“THEY DESERVE IT LOOK WHAT WE DID TO THEIR BUFFALO.”
So what we did in the other 49 odd states means we must attone for their transgressions (damn I feel catholic)
Remember folks the world out there equates the Indian Nation as being one big happy family. They can’t separate them into tribes THAT USE TO KILL EACH OTHER OFF BECAUSE THEY HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO BACK IN THE DAY.
And you know what really pisses me off to all the people that feel sorry for the Redskins? Is the fact that hey, they’re a conquered people deal with it? No one was ever nice to the conquered people. Ask the Picts. Or the Gauls. Or the Irish.
Their catholic of course. The Irish dumb ass.
It’s that thing we call war folks. Is it our fault that the Redskins didn’t have a bronze age? Is it our fault that they didn’t kill off them pasty white British Folk that were starving to death because they felt sorry for them? What could a bunch of pasty white religious persecuted British Dorks do to us fine warriors?
You do noticed that they killed the Vikings right away. Just thought I’d point that out.
I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE JUST DON’T GET THE FACT THAT WAR TAINT PRETTY. Women get raped, scorched and burning happens, babies get their heads crushed or ran over by tanks, and human rights are virtually ignored
And why is that?
BECAUSE EVERYONE IS KILLING EACH OTHER!
DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I think China needs to pay reparations for what Ghengis Khan did to India and the Middle East. NOT!
Europeans gave them smallpox, they gave us syphilis, or gonorehea or some kind of skanky gross venereal disease. I’m gonna get sick.....
But you know some thing I don’t give a shit any more. I could care less that “The Native Harbingers of Nature” are netting the shit out of all the Northwest Rivers and if they aren’t doing it to yours they soon will be.
They are coming to the Okanogan Territory Folks so ha ha ha “Welcome to our World.” Methow, Wenatchee, Brewster, and the Peninsula... it’s all fucking toast!
Nope, I don’t care anymore and do you know why? I have accepted the fact that there is not one thing I can do about it and like in one of the 12 Steps in Alcoholism Treatment.
“I have to accept the things I cannot change.”
So that means I want to help the “Native Harbingers of Nature”, anyway I can. Since we allowed the dumb asses to give them our 50% by not getting up in the morning and going to all those stupid meetings because we were too busy screwing our attractive wives, coaching our talented athletic children, or camping under the stars on scouting trips to kill big game. It is our fault that we let
A bunch of pasty ass white boys give away all our rights and allow an uneducated race to have full control.
So you know some thing you just can’t blame “the Native Harbingers of Nature” now can you?
My brethren it’s all your fault too because you let the Catch and Release Pyschos speak for you. So
HA HA HA HA HA
Call it a conspiracy theory but I think it’s just too convenient that all the tribes are doing the exact same thing and I think they are just a weeeeee bit smarter then we give them credit for because remember folks it says in the treaty that...
IF ONE OF THE TREATY PARTIES MISMANAGES THE RESOURCE THEN THE OTHER PARTY GETS FULL CONTROL.
Are the “Native Harbingers of Nature” Trying to get full control of their own rivers by destroying their own fish? I bet you they are. I bet the tribes are envisioning a Quinault (rock on Quinaults) Type Fishery. Where they get to go hog wild with hatcheries where the “Pasty Ass Catch and Release White Boy” can’t tell them how to run it.
Call me crazy but I was right about the netting wasn’t I?
And I like hatchery fishing. Sorry, WSC looks like you lose again but then you’re not dealing with a full deck are ya now!
I think Johnny has a secret plan because he covets my sweet ass gear. Ya think?
Now wasn’t that a dousy of a rant! So what have I been doing since the beginning of March and now? Well, I’ve been fishing and catching. The minute the Redskins took the nets out fishing has been unbelievable! So unbelievable that notorious guide John Koenig of the Washington River Skagit Fame has found an Acorn!
Yup, folks! Johnny Coho, or who I’d like to dub Johnny Retardo found his acorn. He caught the most gorgeous 26 pound buck this season. Which must be the ultimate reward for going on 85 years fishing the Sauk/Skagit system and never touching anything over 20 pounds while every other accomplished guy has been slaying four to five a year.
Yup! Congratulations Johnny Retardo on your first big fish ever landed. And don’t you just live five minutes from the Sauk? The world reknowned river for the biggest steelhead ever known to man because of it’s glacial till? Yup, the Sauk generates even more big brutes than that of the Hoh.
What must it be like for Johnny Retardo, to finally accomplish something a female guide of his better does on a regular basis? It’s nice that he can finally throw like a girl. Don’t ya think? When you look at Johnny Retardo doesn’t that stupid expression on his face and the dullness of his eyes remind you of one of them dogs that always peed on the floor when you yelled at him?
But you know something... I’m just jealous. Jealous of the fact that I haven’t touched a fish that big since last year. Yup, you all are sooooo right.
No matter what NEITHER fish weighed over 30. Sorry charlie!
Again you are RETARDO MAN!
Pictures don't lie my friend!
“Why oh why are you picking on Johnny Retardo?”
Here's the thread folks!
Ang,
Easy answer...I'd go fishing. What the hell do I need an ATV for?
Anyway...fishing was slow, slow, slow on the Kalama...no springers for three drifts, and didn't talk to one boater all three days who had caught one. Heard of a few by bankies up in the canyon, early in the morning, but that's it.
Managed to avoid getting Pneumonia, but the weather sure was funky...blue sky and sun, then here come the thunderheads, followed by rain, then hail, then more rain...and then the sun would come back out. Temperature never really dropped below 45 or 50 the entire time, but the barometer must have bouncing up and down like a yo-yo.
Haven't heard from Chappy since Sat. morning, so I don't know what they did on Sat. evening or yesterday yet.
Fish on...
Todd
P.S. Now you don't like Johnny anymore, either? What's the deal? I thought you guys still got along all right
Hey Keith, that picture kind of looks like the fish is a little smaller with Kim holding it at that angle but I'm sure it fried up on the barbeque all right. So I totally believe the 32 pounds. The Gracey's practice the "rooster theory" on the Peninsula. They only eat the bucks. I think it should be that way everywhere.
As for the ATV Todd, everyone needs an ATV makes hunting easier, it's fun to hike but why hike when you don't have too? Also, packing a quarter of elk out or ATVing it? No brainer there.
Fishing is getting boring in the Northwest Todd. With all them nets out it's very limited now. I mean you keep thinking that the indians will quit netting but they won't. I don't understand why guys like you and Johnny Retardo can't understand that "the world sucks and so do the people in it."
Why would the indians stop over netting when they can and no one does anything about it? Why would big industry stop pumping raw sewage into a stream when they can and no one does anything about it? When will you Catch and Release fishermen realize that when you give your fish away, some one no matter what will harvest them. No one does the right thing anymore. No one ever did the right thing before.
People suck and the world sucks. We rape our environment with big business and the government backing us all the way.
Why do you think things are going to change because 50 catch and release ignoramuses dominate a meeting? There's millions of dollars involved and the $$$$$ is what is listen too.
Why am I explaining this?
As for Johnny Retardo, and please note in his picture that his eyes kind of remind you of one of them stupid dogs that piss all over your carpet when you yell at them. He isn't a reputable guide and the epitomy of what I hate in guides.
He takes clients fishing on the lower Hoh and tells them to throw their floats along the nets. Hearsay? Nope! Saw him do it and made fun of him the whole time.
He takes clients fishing when the nets are out full force.
He pretends he's a hunting outfitter and everyone knows where he hunts just sucks, he doesn't even have any private land contacts. You have more of chance running into a bear with me on my monthly cycle than with him.
Most of the pictures on his web site are not with clients but with friends so he is false advertising.
But that's not what really bothers me it is how much he is obsessed with gossiping about me and then he says he doesn't. I'd sure like to know how my buddies up in Rockport that don't have a computer know any of my business.
Like last year when the nets were out on the Hoh and we didn't catch hit all day long we bought two gorgeous 18 pounders from the indians. (We saw them just pulled from the net.) I made sure that Johnny Retardo watched the whole thing to see what would happen. Remember I live to mess with people. And then all of a sudden all the fish I catch are from the indians? Hmmmmmmmmmmm----- I wonder how that works?
Johnny Retardo is a weirdo and needs to move to the city to get a real job and buy his pretty wife a decent car. I would kill my husband if I drove a 1980 piece of junk while he drove around in a sled trying to pretend he is a guide.
That was mean wasn't it? But hey you ask. Other people I don't like? Booby Balless from Pissy Hissy for obvious reasons (pimping out the Pen) and Jennie of [censored].net who embarrasses all outdoor women by using an outdoor sport to beg for money, and now Nick Amato...
I have to ask RT if I can make fun of him, however.
The best part of the whole thing is that I bet Johnny Retardo doesn’t carry a measuring tape with him. (because he can’t afford one? Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) So I think the measurements have to be made up. What is really funny is the fact that Johnny Retardo did the following which just shows you that this was his first fish....
He called the WDFW to report it. The guy that answered the phone (my buddy was sitting there) was like...
Sooooooooooo?
Then he called every newspaper to see if they would do a story on it. None of the sportsfishers fell for it except.... Yup, you guessed it the rag we all love to hate!
Fishing and Hunting News!
BTW after a few of my brethren saw the fish they emailed me to make fun of it.
You too can make fun of it if you go to www.qualityfishing.net and post on “Big Fish Fever” It’s one of the funniest threads you’ll ever read.
So in Angie’s opinion should one go fishing with Johnny Retardo of the Sauk River? NO! The reason he started gossiping about me in the first place was because I had more clients than him when I was six months pregnant and bragged...
“Who cares if John Koenig gets in front of my pregnant ass. He doesn’t know anything about plugging and he just wakes the fish up for us.”
OUCH...
And now for Angie’s
ALL MY FISHING FORUMS!
This guy is completely retarded and a local guide on the Peninsula.
As I have warned my fellow fly fisherman before.
BEWARE OF FLY FISHING GUIDES.
This guide is actually from New York and fished mostly the Hudson River. The picture below is obviously his only fish caught on the fly on the Hoh.
Would I book a trip with him? What do you think? He's from the EAST COAST!
Fishing Tip of the Day...
When taking newbies steelheading. Use the smallest plug you have so that the fish won’t miss their inexperienced hookset.
ANGIE POSTS ON WWW.WASHINGTONFLYFISHING.COM OOPSY! oH oh! Out of time. We’ll save that for next time! So look forward to the following:
Angie trying to explain to a fly fisherman that no matter how big the fish is, if it’s black it still doesn’t count when you pull it from a red.
And my favorite. Why are you guys going to protest at Cutter’s when you are the ones that gave your native steelhead harvesting away!
OH! And let’s not forget. When some guy mentioned that turkey hunting wasn’t skilled and walking around in leather chaps was the thing down in South Dakota.
Do I have a picture for you! Pretty boy. ?
Pissy Hissy Pursuits... there’s a thread about me on “What Guide Do I Pick?” One man suggested that if I had a rack he’d go with me. I have a rack and it’s awesome. It’s also insured by Lloyd’s of London for $100,000. Yup, it’s that sweet.
So stay tuned for the next rant we have...
Making fun of faggy fly fishermen on Washingtonflyfishing.com
Angie on her first turkey hunt
What happened with the fireman test?
The rest of WV doe hunting
And the 2006 Rule Proposals they’re fuckin utterly stupid, folks.
Also, I finally got a bartending gig at a gorgeous bar come visit me at the Lake City Bar & Grill. Wed -Sat.... Let me give you shit personally!
I hate hatchery fishing. It bores the shit out of me. I need some thing more fulfilling. I need something more aesthetic. I need something like a 20 plus pound native steelhead DEAD on my wall...
Isn’t Brady just purrrrrfect?
Yup, folks I’ve been wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to busy to entertain your stupid lives while you sit at your pathetic ass jobs lately. And why is that?
Because man, I just have no time. I can’t believe how valuable time is to me nowadays. If I could forgo sleep so I’d have more time to get things done, I’d do it but then I would end up getting sick like I have been.
Let us all raise our snot rags and bottles of Nyquil right now for all of you that have come down with “the crud” and still can’t get rid of it this flu season. Yup, since flu shots have become unavailable I have noticed everyone and their lovers, coworkers, bartenders, gay life partners, getting sick and keep getting sick. It’s the virus that keeps on giving. Yes, I got it right after I had the “Ultimate Xmas Cocktail Party”. Actually, I was really good at warding away the evil spirits of sickness till I started...
Holiday Festing. When I got back from anterless hunting in West Virginia I just went “Hog Wild”. Weekend after weekend till Xmas, was just one big alcohol induced blur. I slept till 11am and at 6pm I was going to this party or that function. I was unstoppable.
It also didn’t help that I started a new job and I was working two night time bartending jobs. Want to talk about stress? But I am happy now since I have finally found my “Cash Cow” bartending position. Karaoke Bars can go take a flying leap. No more freaks that can’t hold a tune let alone a football, trying to sing the world’s hardest songs.
Why on earth would anyone that can’t croak a note, try to sing “Titanic” or “Somewhere over the Rainbow”? But then these people don’t drink, don’t tip and just waste space in my bar and in life. I also have great financial news... Since one of my magazine articles came out on the East Coast I am booked solid guiding till June.
SO What am I getting at?
I need a vacation. Please stay tune for March’s “The girls versus Mexico Part Uno”...
Or will it be “The girls versus Las Vega, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!”...
Or will it be “Angie versus Gators in Florida Part Gaf the Mother Fucker NOW”...?
Oh and why am I even writing this rant anyways? After the hundredth email begging me to rant, like in this fashion, I just happen to feel sorry for you all.
A bunch of dead native coho on a stringer on the Sol Duc.
Got a love a man that's just out there for the meat.
I bet he did a great job when he use to hunt for it in bars. Ya think? I mean look at them goddamn arms... Yummy!
Hey there you haven't posted anything for quite some time and I'm starting to Jones. I hope everything is o.k.
I crave your rants, I need your rants, Damnit I demand your rants. You can't just simply leave all your faithful minions out here unfulfilled. Well actually you can but please don't. I can't be the only one concerned about this dilemma can I?
So I’ll quit bitching and making excuses for why I haven’t entertained one and all and get down to the good shit. We’re gonna talk about...
Summer weather Deer Hunting in West Virginia
Fishing amongst the “Flaming Coke Factories”
Bad Christmas Presents
The Ultimate Xmas Cocktail Party
How bad is Salmon Steelhead Journal the magazine, really?
What about “All My Fishing Forums” update, it’s been what six months?
The women at the fire fighting exam tests and why they really need someone like me (they’re all fat, dikes and did I mention dikes?)...
Now if I run out of time and don’t get to some of thee above, sorry but I think you all know that I just haven’t had any ucking time lately or did the first few paragraphs not sink in? But before we start let’s give a salute to our favorite football team “The Seattle Seahawks”.
HOLMGREN SUCKS AND WE SHOULDN’T BE LABELED A FOOTBALL TEAM WE SHOULD BE LABLED
Big athletic men with something to prove to their reflection, pocket books or my favorite...
Their own personal stats.
I’m embarrassed to even live in Seattle. Sure it’s a pretty stadium but it has a chance of seeing a super bowl team like seeing...
Shawn Alexander next year.
a super bowl team unless it comes to kick the snot out of us chickens.
D-Jack seeing the quarter back actually throw the ball at him. I think he literally took that Sodom and Gomorra Bible Story to heart. DUDE YOU AIN’T GOING TO TURN TO SALT IF YOU ACTUALLY LOOK BACK!!! I had no clue he was a religious man.
It does have the chance of seeing all the players that Holmgren threw away because he is the epiphany of what I like to define as DUMBASS...
Let’s look at the Seahawks of Football Gone Past. You know like in a Christmas Carol.
Christain Fouria: Oops, plays for the Patriots.
Pete Kendall: Plays for the Jets.
Sam Adams: Played for the Ravens and the Raiders. Only won one ring in 2001.
Willie Williams: On the Steel Curtain.
My Seahawk brethren if you want a Super Bowl Ring, your best bet is to piss of Holmgren and get TRADED!
Anyway, I’m loving the last few weekends and “Who I think should be actually in the Superbowl Game”. I will be getting inebriated or what I’d like to term “shit faced for each game. It’s not the play off season unless you do? RIGHT? Does this mean I’m going to get sick again, god damn it! I just can’t win!
You know as in fishing, football is all about DRINKING (I can’t believe some fag fly fisherman told me that alcohol isn’t part of the experience, what a pussy. Who was that guy anyways? Wasn’t he the fag that calls himself “Doublehaul” on the 10 fly fishing forums he posts on? Errr Hmmmmm... What a pussy.) as in any spectator sport. Oh and one last thing about football.
RANDY MOSS ATTENTION RANDY MOSS I WANT YOU TO BA THE CROWD IN EVERY GAME AND ACTUALLY DO IT.
Randy Moss was only having a little fun you no life losers. Can you imagine being so uptight that a fake mooning would get you upset? These people need to be lined up and shot as they combat fish in the hatchery holes. These people need to be drowned these people need to
GO ON VACATION AND SIT ON A BEACH AND LET A TSUNAMI TAKE THEM AWAY.
Oh that was in bad taste wasn’t it? I feel sorry for them Tsunami Victims BTW but just wait folks the next Tsunami will be on the east coast once that landslide happens in the Canary Islands but remember since we’re not a third world country we’ll have plenty of time to evacuate.
I don’t think I will feel too sorry for them East Coasters though THAT ARE DUMB ENOUGH TO BUILD THEIR HOUSES ON A BEACH. We need some of these conservative no fun dumb asses gotten rid of and for people that build multi million dollar homes ON THE BEACHES OF AN OCEAN. What the fuck do you expect?
Do you people really expect “Mother Nature” to just let you go unmolested? When you put yourself in the path of...
EARTHQUAKEs ALL YOU DUMBASSES LIVING ON THE SAN ANDREAS FAULT IN CALIFORNIA
FLOOD PLAINs OF AN UNDAMED RIVER
Hamilton on the Skagit
Fall City on the Snoqualmie
Orting oh will Orting just PLEASE wash away!
SIDES OF A CLIFF/HILL WITH NO VEGETATION
A MOUNTAIN GOAT ON THE SIDE OF A CLIFF IN YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK (Wouldn’t that be awesome to watch some Yuppie get bumped off the side of a cliff while he asks the pretty mountain goat to stand still?)
You’re all going to die die die. And don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for you.
Remember Pompei people... Remember Pompei...
What I find interesting is the fact that not one animal was found dead from the Tsunami. I think it’s so cool that a domesticated elephant broke its chains and put six children he found on the beach onto his back and walked with them into the jungle five miles right before it hit.
Does this mean we should pay attention to the creatures of the forest? Well Yeahhhhhh....
Okay I’m now going to start talking about fishing. I can go on and on about stupid, retarded losers that never get laid or have friends that take it out on innocent fun loving people like my self. But it’s starting to get boring, huh?
So it is now time for...
Hmmmmm hatchery season is over so I guess you’re fucked there.
January sucks, but there is hope. Isn’t there usually one big wave of monster psycho native torpedoes that come in on all rivers but you have to really know your home river to figure that one out?
February is big monster fish month. Go fish big monster fish rivers if your “man enough” or “Angie enough” to handle the cold.
If an Easterly Wind picks up while fishing. You’re fucked.
Don’t go see “Meet the Fockers” it wasn’t worth the $30. Got ya!
If you’re in cold frigid water, fish the frog water about 2 to 3 feet deep with sun. The fish are trying to warm themselves and won’t be in their normal oxygenated choppy places or deep pockets. Don’t believe me? Ever walk upon two to three steel head sunning themselves in 20 degree weather? I have. So why the hell are you questioning me?
Plug it SLOW and really pound the holes. The fish are frickin fish popsicles right now, PEOPLE. Being cold means, BEING SLOW. Kind of like being a FAT CHICK.
Here’s the netting schedule for the Hoh River or for the Peninsula. The Natives have started netting in December for “our forgone opportunity”. That’s right! The fish you could eat if you would have gotten your fat asses out of bed in August (when I called you) and stopped the catch and release PETA freaks (Pissy Hissy Pursuit Forum Members) from taking your fish away. Come on everyone say “Thanks Bob Ball” or better yet throw a dead native steelhead on his front lawn. Want to know where he lives? Just email me.
So the natives are netting Sunday thru Tuesday, so fish Thursday thru Saturday. If a guide takes you on Monday and Tuesday, he ripped your ass off and you deserved it because you didn’t check the schedule OR MY WEB SITE.
Here’s the best advice. Wait till the floods subside (or walk down the streets of Hamilton) and wait till March and fish. Go skiing, take the kids sledding or snow mobiling. That’s right I have! That was before it all melted AWAY!
As for me fishing that much anymore, I hate to say this but I did a little accounting and have found that Miss Angie spends too much money on babysitters to have boring mediocre days. (You know catching one to two steelhead on average of 12 pounds an outing... boring as hell). I much rather save the money and...
GO BONE OR TARPON FISHING IN FLORIDA.
Since we’re on the discussion of fishing and we don’t want Miss Angie to go on her tangent of “Soon I will be the greatest huntress of all time like I am in fishing.” Let’s talk about the new fancy papered and beautifully advertised (because that’s the only good thing you can say about it)...
Salmon Steelhead Journal only wished that they had the same friends I do but alas... there writers can only catch small fish with GUIDES...
How do you spell Salmon Steelhead Journal? P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C
Okay, before we get to the bad stuff (every article in it) we’ll talk about the good stuff...
The only decent picture and the only decent article is of Bob Ball and his pink worm. Though you will need one pot of coffee, two lines of crank, and a six pack of red bull to get through it, it’s the only article that is actually accurate and well written. It is kind of funny because you know it took him 7 days to write because we all know he’s not the brightest crow in the flock. You know the crow, the one you shoot in your back yard with the pellet gun because it fell for the “dead crow moving on a string gag”. Yes, this is one of the things Orvis Boy does for entertainment instead of his chores when I’m not at home.
My most favorite bad article was the “Where to get Big Fish”. The article failed to mention that damn near every river mentioned in it was listed as endangered, gets closed every year and went from 20,000 to 10,000 steelhead a year down to 500. Yup, you too can book a trip on a river that gets only 500 fish per year (THE GOLD). Nothing like fishing for a needle in a haystack! All I can say is you better have a BIG MAGNET.
What are the rivers? You all are dying to ask...
ANY RIVER EXCEPT THE CAMPBELL ON VANCOUVER ISLAND BC.
You go to the Gold expect to be SKUNKED.
“The Gold River, on Vancouver Island's West Coast, historically had runs of
as many as 5,000 steelhead. Last year, swimmers counted 900; this year they found 35.”
From “B.C. salmon: something's not fishy”
By MARK HUME - Toronto Globe and Mail in 2004.
The dumb ass that wrote that article fished it, in its last good year which was 2000. It has sucked ass ever since.
THE THOMPSON
Do I even need to explain this one?
Then the ultimate dumb ass article was “How sea lice are bad?” I don’t know about all you other river fishermen but I get a woody when I catch a fucking big ass fish 40 miles upstream with sea lice on it. It’s completely obvious that this guy has NEVER EVER caught a fish with sea lice on it. But then he said fishing a river on a full moon was a good thing.
THE BEST AND MOST EMBARRASSING THING OF ALL WAS...
THE COVER
The six pound winter run on the cover. (I’m soooo sorry Joe). We all must remember Miss Angie’s and “Plug Pulling God Blake’s Rule”...
IF IT AINT OVER 10 POUNDS.
It’s just TOO embarrassing to take a picture of it.
Oh and now I’m going to critique Pat Hoglund the inexperienced newbie fishing editor and his magazine about his commentary and advice on...
Driftboats:
First off, the article is bad. If you really follow their advice you will likely get a boat that handles like a concrete canoe while you row on stilts like a clown. Obviously the writer never owned one much less rowed one.
Rake, or Rocker is the curvature of the bottom, however the more rocker, the less water displacement by the boat and the lower the boat sits. So why would you want a boat with more rocker? If you need to spin fast, more rocker helps you (imagine a canoe, that has little rocker, now take the canoe ends and bend them upwards. Make them meet. Think that little boat would spin on a dime? Think it might float a little bit lower in the water?) Duh....
Seat height. Take their advice Mini-me. Raise your seat height up because you are too short. Now your little legs are a kickin’ in the air while you try to get leverage for some power strokes before you HIT THAT ROCK! Also take their advice and have the bow cut off.
I would try something different. Most places offer a lowered front seat.
The magazine and its editor are bad oh so very bad, we can almost equate it as being as bad as Hollywood’s recount of the Illiad. You all know the movie “Troy”. The movie where it was all about Achilles and him not being gay. This movie review could take a whole book and we don’t have time now. If you past Greek Literature with flying colors like I did, you’re just going to shake your head. Yes, Achilles fell in love, Paris didn’t get killed and him and Helen lived happily ever after and the whole thing lasted three weeks INSTEAD OF TEN YEARS.
Want to see a good movie? Go see Napolean Dynamite. See Napolean? That is the type of guy that posts on fishing forums 24X7. Just think about it.
Not only does Andy say that you need to get "your head out of the crack of your ass". But having the meat packer at Pullman's Safeway is the most pathetic "PULL" in Pullman that he's ever heard of.
So boyz you want a connection in Pullman that will let you hunt 200 yards outside the dorms of WSU, just take Craig the butcher from Safeway fishing. I'm sure you'll get him more fish than Hawkeye...
Oh, these are two tiny mule deer from the late deer season. Remember, Hawkeye says that the only big mulies come from the Chelan area... They kind of microscopic compare to his, ya think?
Yup, you all remember when last time I updated, that Hawkeye was on my shit list. Well he surpassed the shit list and has now become toilet paper and is now wiping my cute little ass and for all you dumb asses out there that never took “college literature”.
WE CALL SICK MIKE HAWKEYE BECAUSE IN THE BOOK “THE LAST OF THE MAWHICCANS” THE WORLD’S BEST OUTDOOR’S MAN WAS NAMED HAWKEYE AND SINCE HE IS THE WORLD’S WORSE OUTDOORS MAN...
Why the hell am I explaining this?
So anyways... Instead of apologizing like a smart man he just keeps arguing with me and even tries to insult me and tells me about all the shit he had done for me blah blah blah...
If I remember right he did the following:
He took me hunting and told me to hunt the top of this ridge so that I would push that one buck he shot down to him while he waited on the bottom. While rubbing it in alllllll weekend.
Then he made me jig in two to three hundred feet of water for black mouth in February freezing my ass off. Yup, Hawkeye doesn’t know that the best technique for jigging is along the shores and structure of the shallower waters along Puget Sound, and we all know how them black mouth JUST SCHOOL UP IN THE DEEP! I suggested downriggers but hey, Hawkeye equates downriggers with plug pulling. It just taint sportman like or what he calls... A Quality Fishery!
So all you fishermen take a sledge hammer to all them down riggers and follow Hawkeye to a favorite hatchery hole. NOW STAND ON A ROCK FOR 6 HOURS STRAIGHT AND CAST TILL A HATCHERY FISH COMES YOUR WAY BOYS! That is quality fishing for Hawkeye!
The best part was when I was forced to watch and listen to his wife and him yell at each other. Anyone getting bored yet of me bitching about this?
But the funniest thing of all was that Hawkeye just doesn’t get it. He will never get it that deer are just deer and if YOU EVER GO BACK EAST... They’re like fucking RATS, and no big deal. THAT’S RIGHT NO BIG DEAL. Do you think that in Kentucky where the limit is 40 deer that they argue about them? Do you?
I think that’s the end of “My Hawkeye Saga” for awhile. That is until his truck breaks in half. See last year he tried to outdo us in the camper department. We bought a used one and Hawkeye not to be outdone went and bought a brand new monster one. He didn’t realize that the weight was in kilos not pounds. I’m so glad I’m smart I really really am...
No computer enhancements were done to the follwoing picture. This is the lovely FishGal in all her glory. But when I met her the following spring she was twice as big and at least here she is wearing a bra.
When she doesn't her breasts go down to her purse.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW but you all do know that Bob always liked his women like his fish...
Nice and chunky! Hey are them tree stumps going into sandals?
Do you think Booby will ever rue the day he even dared tried to mess with me? I've given it back what? 1,000 fold... Mental note people... Don't fuck with an Italian!
(Hey, I haven’t done this for what at least six months?)
Pissy Hissy Pursits
Yes, folks it has finally happened. After waiting seven long years and finally getting the world’s tiniest engagement ring. A bullhead’s fangs are bigger BTW, the wedding nuptials between Booby Balless and his very large fiancée are taking place when his mommy and daddy take them to Aruba. You all know the Geriatric Vacation Hot Spot Aruba, don’t ya? Where them old people go to play bingo and do water aerobics in the pool. It’s not like any young people go there unless your parents take you in a stroller.
At first the rumors were that Mrs. Cowey was preggars. I would like to tharwt this rumor people. I mean come on you stupid men out there. There’s a difference to being fat obese and fat pregnant. When you look like a pig that crawled through a pyramid of tires, got stuck and then strapped two basketball nets with balls in them across your chest, then that’s obese and that is NOT BEING PREGNANT. Of course if she were pregnant she’d never notice till she sat on a public toilet to take a dump and all of a sudden it started to cry.
Hey, that’s kind of cool. Talk about a water birth!
Yup, Mrs. Cowey finally got the man she’s been waiting seven long years for. She got a successful fishing guide (we all know how much money they make.) Not only will she always have to work after the baby is born because we all know Booby can’t afford a stay at home wife. She’ll get a killer retirement plan that only the Guiding Guild can maintain and let’s not forget about the Guiding Guild’s great medical plan. Oh, that’s right! There’s no such thing as a “Guiding Guild”.
Yessirree folks I equate marrying a fishing guide right up there with marrying a 35 year old rock musician. I don’t need to explain this do I? Any other guides I insulted? Oh, that’s right every married guide I know HAS ANOTHER REAL JOB THAT HE DEPENDS ON.
Actually the truth of the matter is this... I HEARD that Mrs. Cowey was falling in love with Ahab the night time manager at the Shell Station she works at and Booby got overcome with jealousy. Oh the intrigue! Oh the romance! That can only happen when working at a GAS STATION!
Congratulations you two! A marriage always goes well when the wife has to force the husband to marry her!
See what happens when you go against doctors orders?
If your heart is that weak why would you hold up two 20 pound fish? But who gives a shit! At least she's thinner than Fishgal and doesn't make ya shudder...
But then the picture is a far away shot.
Now this would be in very very bad taste if I insulted and made fun of Jennie having the artery above her heart replaced with some thigh artery because of her horrible affliction but I’m just going to point this out...
The doctors told her not to do anything strenuous and take it easy so ya know some thing.
She did it to herself.
Kind of like them people that smoke with emphysema. If you don’t stop smoking you’re gonna die and they just keep on smoking! Hey, doesn’t she smoke too?
The best part about all this is that I would like to start raising money for the
“Jennie Pity Foundation” (and why can’t her fiancée support her in her time of need isn’t he also a fishing guide?)
Since I couldn’t raise any money for a beautiful eight year old girl who was dying of leukemia and needed a bone transplant last December ( a friend of mine’s niece that belongs to one of the bands that play at my bar). Then maybe I can raise money using the
Jennie Pity Foundation...
I guess people would rather throw their money at an old woman that has lived most of her life and was the own cause of her disablement because she refused to listen to doctor’s orders.
Yup, that is way more worthy then saving a beautiful little eight year old girl...
Update... By the time Elizabeth got her bone transplant but she was too weak to accept it and died right before Christmas. As her parents mourned her death the day after thousands of letters and teddy bears arrived with words of support and encouragement. That just had to kill.
The internet is dying! The internet is dying! No one posts any more on fishing forums and it’s such a beautiful thing and I’m all glad that you all still love my web site and keep coming back! Thank you for your support...
One of the best fan mails I’ve had in ages...
Hey there from the Midwest,
A friend of mine just emailed me a link to your website and I must say,
"you are the shit"!! Too funny and every man's desire. Or at least every
man who is a real man! I live in SW Missouri and have never actually fished
for salmon or cohos, but we do have tailwaters that are chalked full of
browns and bows that get very large. I know, not the same, but a guy can
hope right? My love for fishing is the local streams filled with
bronzebacks. Love to take the yak out to the local stream and tear into
them. If your ever in the midwest let me know and I can hook you up with an
Ozark fishing trip that will certainly give you a 100+ fish day for
smallies.
Keep up the good work on your site. Ollie
Hey,
Just wanted to drop you an email saying, COOL
PAGE.....its refreshing hearing someone else other
than myself and hunting/fishing buddies tell it like
it is.....I am stuck here in Northern
California(Sacramento area) and these yuppies are
sickening with their C&R BS.......
After my West Virginian Client Bob and I had a very successful Chinook fishing trip this September, he talked me into going antlerless deer hunting on his brother in law’s farm. I had always wanted to see the land “polluted with deer” so I said, “What the heck. Sounds like a blast.” Plus I thought he was full of shit since him and Orvis Boy had downed a pint of Yukon Jack that day and were so drunk they were killing anything in site. I remember when they saw this big eagle and I dove for the shot gun... Hey, they were drunk and the eagle made it... No harm done. Right?
I was a little tired on my trip out east because I flew right after work. O’Hare Airport was vast and confusing. I found out that there was a direct car to downtown Chicago and I vowed that next time I’d give myself eight hours so I could hit the down town area. I’ve been dying to go to downtown Chicago for the fun that could be had at an Irish Pub or Jazz Club ever since I had watch Bobby Flay in Chicago.
As I went down the gang way to my plane to Akron, Ohio, outside I stopped in horror and thought I was flashing back to the pond jumper that had barely gotten me to Smithers five years before. Alas this pond jumper was in worse shape and again owned by “the Canadians”.
In front of me there were two couples walking ahead to watch a Patriot Game. The kid that looked like Ashhton Krutcher’s Sick Clone who had the warpest sense of humor and had me laughing till I vomited.
When he saw the plane he screamed. “Hey ya all my truck is bigger than that thing.”
I was soon on the flight from “Redneck Hell” and could feel that I was flying to a world unlike my own.
As we walked up the rickety stairs we were greeted by a lovely middle aged Canadian Stewardess named Tabby. As I mentioned I used to work for Boeing and “that we were going to die”, She laughed and with a heavy Fargo Accent answered;
“Just think of it as your own private plane.”
I ran to the back it was safer there.
Then Tabby gave her speech which was rudely interrupted by the “Sick Clone of Ashton Krutcher” you know the guy who is Demi Moore’s love toy.
“Hello one and all! We’re flying with ... What’s the Captain’s name today? I like to change it periodically. Now it’s time for some belt buckle magic! If we crash we’ll most likely land on a deserted island.”
Old woman in back... “Sorry dear, not on Lake Michigan”.
Tabby... “Now I need some volunteers please. Anyone over 250 pounds needs to go to the back of the plane.
Ashton Clone... “Where’s the “Oh shit handle?”
The guy that moved to the back of the plane across from me I noticed was reading an illustrated religious book. I began to get scared. Then I thought oh my god is my luggage even on here?
As Tabby continued on with her speech she was interrupted several times...
Ashton’s Sick Clone... “Hey, did you just open the bathroom door and then the pilot’s door opened?”
Guy wearing a John Deer Hat (I kid you not). “Can you just keep talking till our destination?”
As we were at cruising altitude I started begging for a beer. Tabby just laughed at me when I asked her what the funny smell was, she just answered “what smell”.
I tried to take my mind off of the gaseous smell that was starting to overcome me and read the Sky Mall magazine from the rack. I began to cackle as I noticed that the date of the Sky Mall was 1984 and couldn’t believe that it featured leg warmers, Bon Jovi CDs and black lacquer furniture.
Even the ancient Sky Mall could not keep me from being over taken by the carbon monoxide fumes. I felt like I was committing suicide, but what really concerned me was that no one noticed but me. Could it be because of the following?
All these rednecks drove old trucks with the floorboards missing?
They lived next to the Freeway?
The land was so flat in the Midwest that the smog had nowhere to go?
I let the fumes overtake me and woke up in Akron Ohio land of the Football Hall of Fame. To Bob picking me up in a
GODDAMN SUIT????? Now I knew something was wrong, but he sure did look good.
Oopsy I ran out of time... Stay tuned for the best part of the story. It’s written but not edited... You know I have to at least edit some thing once before it makes it to the web site.
See ya all at the Sportsman Benefit Dinner on February 4th at the Meyenbauer Center. How will you recognize me? I’ll be wearing four inch stiletto heels in a “Liz Clairborne Perfect Little Black Dress” carrying a small whip errrrr purse.
ROCK ON NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS! DO YOU THINK THEY’LL LET ME BUY ONE WHEN I GO SPEND A ROMANTIC WEEKEND IN BOSTON FOR MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY?
I just had to throw that in. I hope you all envy me as I eat my way through the Italian district. When I go to a city it’s all about the food don’t ya know?
I knew the outfit that I bought in Amsterdam could be warn again. Yes, without the spikes this is what the Club Girls wear in Amsterdam. Of course I have the coolest matching jacket to go with it. I know like you guys give a shit.
First off before I begin my long dissertation on “What Constitutes a Quality Hunt?” we must first comment on President Bush being re-elected.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Predictions for the next four years...
We will have spent another 100 billion in the middle East on a war that we cannot win and making the Iraqi’s suffer for what their neighbor’s the Afghanistanis should be suffering for
The price of gas will go up to $3.00 a gallon
Unemployment will soar beyond what it did during the “Reagan Era”
The evil flammable trees of the forest will be no more so we won’t have to spend anymore money on fighting fires. Cut all the trees down before they burn us ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Howard Stern will be off the air, you know this might be a good thing since I’m sick of listening to him bitch about it 24X7 and they say Italians are the complainers. Jews win hands down in my book!
Saturday Night Live will have so much material in the next few years that they will have to insist that G-Dun Shrub make an appearance and host.
We’ll get our hatcheries back so that the Native Americans, can net the hatcheries out of extinction along with our wild stocks, since they’re all the same! HARBINGERS OF NATURE? KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKERS!
Oops she already swore and do you know why Angie has already sworn?
Come my brethren come one and all! I would like to organize a nice little protest party in front of the Skagit Casino. I would like to protest how they can net from the beginning of September all the way to November for coho when they are also netting ESA Listed Chinook and getting the last stage of them. Yes 8,000 of them. This all being done with the blessing of the WDFW!
I would like to protest against them being able to net 5,000 – 8,0000 ESA Listed Chinook in their quest for coho and getting away with it, because WHEN A WHITE MAN DOES IT HE GOES TO JAIL FOR A YEAR, IS FINED $10,000 AND LOSES EVERYTHING.
Yup folks I only saw one fourth of the king reds that I did last year for these ESA Listed Chinook. It’s okay that Native Americans are above the law...
BULLSHIT
We’re going to be just referring to the piece of shit as NW Natives. Mmmmmkay?
It’s okay for Native Americans to slaughter whole herds of Elk that the White Man introduced for his own hunting pleasure, and they take nothing but the horns and back strap leaving the rest to rot...
BULLSHIT
It’s okay that the Native Americans take our CHARITY and lie on their fat “WHITE ASSES” because you know they taint exactly pure anymore and collect paycheck after paycheck, generation after generation, while our impoverished single mothers white and black are denied. Racism at it’s finest.
BULLSHIT
But do you know who let’s them get away with all this? Do you know who feels sorry for these pathetic creatures that are too lazy to get a job and blame it on their color when I see perfectly good ethnic groups having no problem with employment? Native Pride my ass.
Curt Kraemer or is it spelled Kurt Creamer? I kind of like Kurt Creamer if you ask me.
(Okay, he’s only responsible for letting them kill the ESA Listed kings but let’s blame everything on him because his management skills suck so bad. Why the hell not?)
I’d like to spell it short little man with an ego problem who feels sorry for “The First Peoples”. You know who should be getting reparations? BIG FOOT! He’s the First Peoples or the Goddamn Vikings. Hey, I’ll even vote to send our money to Siberia because at least I know the forefather’s of the “First Peoples” won’t be spending it on Crack or AM PM Jelly Donuts.
Am I being racist? Hell no! Quit taking our hard earned tax paying monies, get a job and ACT LIKE A HARBINGER OF NATURE AND I WON’T MAKE FUN OF YOU!
And what about Kurt Creamer? As he spends thousands of the WDFW’s money flying around in his own private little helicopter counting reds...
LIKE YOU CAN COUNT REDDS FROM THOUSANDS OF FEET IN THE AIR MAYBE THAT’S WHY HE THINKS THERE ARE NO STEELHEAD IN THE SKYKOMISH.
He ignores the needs of the sports fisherman. You tell me how in one month’s time 10,000 sports fishermen are gonna catch 95,000 coho that the Swinomish Tribe has netted to death for two months.
I DON’T EXACTLY CALL THAT 50%. Especially, when most river fishermen couldn’t catch Aids if they had it festering in a crack in front of them.
AND WHY THE HELL CAN’T WE SUE FOR OUR 50% AS WHITE MEN THAT BY THE TREATY WE ARE ENTITLED TO?
Ever wonder why the Northern Puget Sound Rivers are the most mismanaged in the State?
BECAUSE KURT CREAMER IS IN CHARGE YOU DUMBASSES.
REMEMBER FOLKS YOU HAVE TO SIGN A PETITION TO LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU’LL GO FISH FOR YOUR OWN PAID FOR SPRING KING HATCHERY FISH IN THE SKAGIT BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL ALL SO POWERFUL!
I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP! THE WILDCAT STEELHEADER CLUB MEMBERS AND THE CUTE BOY WHO VOLUNTEERS AT THE HATCHERY WERE AT THE MEETING WHEN CURT CREAMER SAID SOMETHING CLOSE TO:
Loosely quoted:
“You will have to have a petition with a lot of signatures to show that you have people who would like to fish there before I open it up. Ask the people who got the Skykomish opened for summer kings, they will tell you what to do.”
WE ASKED THE GUY WHO FLOATED THE PETITION AND HE SAID HE NEEDED ABOUT 10,000 SIGNATURES. WHO CARES FOR THE FISHERMAN? NOT KURT HALF-N-HALF. HE ACTUALLY MAKES US ROUTE PETITIONS TO FISH FOR FISH THAT WE BOUGHT AND PAID FOR. WHAT A MORON!
Oh and when is my protest going to be at the Skagit Casino? Try NEVER BECAUSE NONE OF YOU LAZY ASS FISHERMEN WILL SHOW UP ANY WAY SO YOU DESERVE TO HAVE EVERYTHING TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.
HA HA HA HA HA
But if you really really want to insult them. I mean hit it where it hurts. Go a crow hunting and yes, you can legally shoot crows till March 31st and dump a shit load in front of their casino doors. Hell, throw a couple of the goddamn things in their nets. Since it was the crow that drew forth man from the shell of life and is a sacred figure to them, or is it a raven? Okay, go throw a shit load of ravens in front of their casino doors. They look the same to me.
I just found out that we really can’t blame Kurt Creamer on this one but I still think he could of done some thing for them poor endangered Chinook and needs to get out of his helicopter but if he were to row a raft or a drift boat to count reds I think his arms might break off. Hey, if I spend an extra $10 on my fishing license can I go for a pretty copter ride too? I bet I can drink his little ass under the table so I’ll bring the Crown.
Sorry boys, but we had our chance at all these wonderful native coho that came in but it’s the CANADIANS that have stopped us from getting our 50% in the Strait of Juan De Fuca. Yup, we got to protect that endangered 8% Thompson interior coho. If I go up to the Thompson next year and I can’t keep the fuckers off like three years ago there’s gonna be HELL TO PAY!!!!!
The NW Natives are also getting $1.00 a pound from some dumb ass fish buyer. I think someone should find this dumb ass fish buyer and tell them exactly how the NW Natives properly handle their fish (leave on bank half rotten or better yet rotting in the gill nets). Actually, I hope all the mother uckers that buy the half rotten coho from these buyers get...
SALMONELLA POISONING! I bet they do. Ma ha ha ha ha
FISHING REPORTS...
The Chehalis River System is just rocking. Why is that? Because its head fishery biologist isn’t Kurt Creamer you dumb asses. Coho and five salt kings are there in abundance. Can I be more specific? No! I had to figure it out why don’t you?
Eastern Washington Rivers are just stacked with hatchery summer run steelhead that you can’t harvest. Also try not to snag them native kings that you can walk across while fishing for these steelhead. When will they open up the fishery for meat? TRY NEVER because no one has proposed it and by the time some one does...??? So enjoy this catch and release fishery while you can before the boys from Enron reunite and destroy it all again.
ENRON, didn’t they cause all sorts of fish kills by manipulating energy prices, causing severe shortages and having our dams fluctuate water levels to make power? Let’s cause ONE BILLION DOLLARS of salmon kill for 200 Million in Profits. Didn’t they also contribute to the State of California going bankrupt? Weren’t they good friends of G-Dub? Will Arnie terminate them? Wait for the sequel: “Enron Reunited: Quest of the Terminator”.
And you folks out there let G-Bub win... AGAIN HA HA HA
This is one of the reasons why you don't want fall kings on the Pen my brethren. Springers much much better...
When he removes his hands from such a fish, can we ask him if it burns?????
I got some FABULOUS pictures of some nasty dark kings they be catching over there on the Quinault. Hey should we put the Quinault into my category of “FUCK THE WASHINGTON NATIVE AMERICAN”. Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, at least they are trying to be “Harbingers of Nature” got to love them guys for trying to make Frankenstein Steelhead. They get a “get out jail free card” from Miss Angie.
What about the Qualude System? Hell, who cares it’s a free for all with the nets this fall like over here and they’ve had nothing but low water. It seems that ever since the Natives took our “foregone opportunity of steelhead out there” that they are just having a hay day. Nothing is going to stop them now. Since the Booby Balless Gay-Bobs sports fishermen gave them all our rights.
So that is why Angie is just going to have to get more into hunting and going back to skiing and trout fishing. After my big birthday weekend this weekend (party party partay) I’m going to be duck hunting like crazy. Orvis Boy found the perfect local connection where you just walk to the back of his buddy’s property and go to town. Can’t beat that!
But I guess that wouldn’t be considered a “Quality Hunt”. Yup, I have a rant and a half that I just gotta let loose on. We all remember my friend “Si-- ----” eerrrr we’ll just call him Hawkeye, master of the hatchery hole? The man who considers quality fishing as standing on a rock all day long below Reiter making the same cast over and over again till a steelhead takes it.
I like to refer to this type of fishing as “self flagellation.”
ANYWAYS...
For years now as I have caught huge football trophy steelhead after trophy native steelhead on plugs I was always told by a good friend of mine that it didn’t count. That anything caught on plugs was too easy. HUH?????
Yes, all you drift boat owners that have rowed your ass off and spent years learning which rock they hid behind, how fast to go in what current and what clarity of water you’re fishing and what color plugs went with what condition and river...
“Catching fish on plugs doesn’t count. In fact a fish doesn’t count at all unless you catch it from the bank.” As quoted by Hawkeye.
So all you jet sled owners out there, your boon dogging techniques are too easy. That hook set it took you years to fathom and how to herd steelhead into a corner is just too easy. As for you drift boat owners with plugs I guess you’re the equivalent of dynamite.
Yup, only bank fishing is “quality fishing” as stated by a man who again can only fish hatchery holes. Why hasn’t he fished all fall yet? Well, there’s no fish in the hatchery holes. Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Since he caught 10 of these on the "Hump" I don't think he'll mind...
“I’m so competitive that others want to kill me.”
Yup, we all know people that are wayyyy too competitive. There are reasons why these men are like this. Weren’t good at sports, were too good at sports, nothing else to live for, parents didn’t love them if they didn’t win, etc...
What ever the reasons why these men act like this, it is really fuckin irritating in the Wide World of the Outdoors. Because in the outdoors I’ve learned that when one is fishing or hunting it is all about a team effort.
With Hawkeye... I get my animal first and then I’ll help the rest of you. Even if you are my teenage son, wife or 10 year old daughter. It’s all about me.
We all have a Hawkeye at camp. Ever hunt or fish a new spot where he is “Emperor” and he places you exactly in a spot where you’ll drive the game down to him or push the fish up to him? Ever hunt with a guy so obsessed about being “Overlord of the Campfire” that he’ll do anything to obtain the position?
Well, I saw this in Hawkeye and pretty much ignore it. You know he was middle aged and set in his ways plus it was kind of fun to watch him and listen to his stories for entertainment value that was until...
I got my first Mule Deer in the Palouse. The cell phone conversation went something like this...
“I shot a huge mule deer at 350 yards with a 243 but the first shot I didn’t drop him, but you know how 243s are?” Angie retold all excited.
“Well, if you were an experienced marksman like I am you would of dropped it.” Hawkeye expertly countered. (That’s why all the guys in deer camp laughed at me with their 7 mm magnums the night before, ya think?)
“Yeah, it was really big like 285 pounds and had a 24 inch rack. (I tried not to laugh because I knew what was coming next.)
“Oh Angie that’s not a very big deer. A 24 inch rack is average. A really big mule deer has a 40 inch rack.” (Hey, isn’t that the size of an elk’s?)
“Angie dear, you need to go on a “Quality Hunt” out in the Palouse the deer just aren’t as big as the Chelan Deer and the hunt is just not quality.” (Everywhere Hawkeye hunts has bigger game)
“Hawkeye you aren’t going doe hunting are you? The Palouse Does are getting hit hard with blue tongue and the farmers are pretty upset about it.”
“Well, with my pull I bet I’ll be able to shoot one.” (Nice that you’ll do anything for meat that you’ll just make a bad situation even worse. Talk about ethics but then the guy can only shoot elk cows.)
The funny thing about the whole conversation was that I knew what he would say before he even said it. In fact I set him up on some of the answers. My whole opinion of him now was what a selfish asshole. He was grasping at his ego so hard because I guess I got the biggest deer of the year, that he sent me a picture of his son with the World’s tiniest Mule Deer and said that in a few years that thing would get some good size and be bigger than mine. Dude, they’re just deer GIVE IT UP!
I about died laughing and decided that it’s just no fun to hunt with selfish know it all people or fish with them either. The Hawkeyes of the world can hunt and fish with the wannabes beginners but I love it when the dumb wannabes finally figure it out and get tired of being Hawkeye’s bird dog or in my case bird bitch and move on to people that they will actually learn something from. Do you think the Hawkeyes ever notice that other experience outdoors men never invite them along or hang with them?
So now we have Quality Hunt versus Non-Quality Hunt... I’ll let you decide which hunt was better...
Idaho Mulie dressed out at 280 at the butchers. I'm guessing the other one... That would be mean now wouldn't it?
We pulled up in the Palouse the night before opening day (Where? It’s not like you know a farmer out there and you can go on his private property so why tease you?) at Al’s house. Everyone was sitting around a fire getting shit faced even the pumpkin in the corner was puking up its seeds because he had too much to drink. The wall tents set up in the backyard had a Pirate Flag and a Confederate Flag hoisted on their tops. Gotta love a camp like that!
It was a warm and balmy night so I was sitting with a t-shirt on and Al was hoping that the weather would hold. That day would have been perfect weather but alas the weather report said that only Opening Day would remain warm and calm and then it would go to wind shit.
I sat with a bunch of good ol’ boys that looked at me strangely. They’ve never had a woman hunt with them so they were a bit weary. Al introduced me as the fishing guide chic and one of the youngsters snorted. Youngsters well, he was my age, I just smiled given the opportunity I’d get him back.
I kind of started whining about how tired I was and the same youngster asked me if I was gonna whine like that all weekend. I smiled and mentioned that staying up till 3am the night before with a bunch of drunks doesn’t make one “A Miss Morning Sunshine”. Then they asked me if I’d mind walking a bit during the hunt and I of course bragged about being “Miss Stairmaster”. I would regret that statement on Sunday.
So next morning we got up and drove down to the Corral where Al, Orvis Boy and I would watch this huge classic Eastern Washington Bowl with a spotting scope to make sure any animal walking the ridges or draws were legal to shoot. This bowl was smack dab in the middle of two fee ranches. On the ridge we placed five hunters strategically. We were to shoot anything that went down the middle.
We stood there for 20 minutes and I got all excited when I spotted the cutest little Mule Doe. Then ½ hour later the fun started. Craig the snorter, shot a 4 point mule deer coming up at him. Then farther down the ridge Ryan got another 4 point mule deer then we saw some does coming down the hillside on our right about 400 yards away.
Al then said, “Now go get your boyfriends.” As they disappeared back over the hillside and brought some spikes back with them.
Al then said, “Now get the big fellas.” And sure enough three antler ridden monster bucks joined the group, but they were all two points or were they?
Al ran to the scope and we scoped them ourselves looking for that eyebrow or tiny third spike. Then Al saw it as they were directly broadsides everywhere! The big monster buck had a third point barely recognizable which is why he had lived so long and gotten so big. We all ran to the fence of the corral and lined up.
Al said shoot it Angie, and they were herded so close together I was having issues figuring out which one he was till I remember about the size factor. I shot it and he ran up the hillside blood spraying out. The shot was 350 yards so I had gotten it in the hindquarters because he moved, bastard. The monster buck went 200 more yards up a steep slope and hid right next to a steep draw.
Orvis Boy found it and Al said... “Let’s git er done girl.”
So we hoofed it as fast as we could 550 yards up the steeper slope above the draw and came down on him. The finishing shot was a shot through the lungs from above and Al and I held our breath least he fall down the ravine.
With that, we came up on him and Al rolled him over and handed me a knife.
“Wait a minute!” He yelled at me. “I want the last dying jitters.” As he pushed me aside and began to take his belt off. I started laughing. Then he handed me the knife and proceeded to show me how to gut the right way which was to cut around the balls and penis so later on you can pull them out the asshole.
I made him do the honors because I just couldn’t emasculate the poor guy. I guess I’m not such the ball breaker I thought I was. After the dick was out of the way I went to town. Most people just cut up from the penis when they gut an animal or cut the penis off. It’s easier to cut around the penis getting it out of the way and then as you finish gutting the animal you can easily pull the bladder and lower intestines in one easy pull through the ass.
When we were all done, Al said...
“I’m going to tell everyone you puked.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
After that we heard another two more shots from Travis and Grandpa Ted who had downed two white tails, all in all we stacked the deer on the trailer like cord wood and went home to do some skinning and get shit faced.
What did I learn from this experience? I needed a bigger gun and a bigger scope. I’m debating on a 300, 7mm or a 270 with one of them $350 Lummi whatever scopey things. Oh, and if you say your queen of the stair master the next day you get to be bird bitch in the draws for the deerless guys all day long. Nothing like jumping deer for others but that’s okay when you got the biggest one at camp, and you have to remember that it’s all about team work!
Like I said nothing like IDA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yup, nothing like driving out to elk camp on a Halloween Hangover. As I drove East of the Mountains my eyes hurt from the bright rays of the sun reflecting off the desert hills. I felt like a vampire from the night before, but staying up till 5am at Halloween Afterhours will do that to a gal. Did I mind? Hell no! I was on a mission, a mission to slay the mighty Rocky Mountain Elk.
I got up to the pass and was having a heck of a time finding the right road and then I saw the signs and I remembered that I told Garreeee to be creative. Seeing the Jennie I-fish Signs made me almost lose my Wendy’s 99 cent hamburger. So I indulged in fast food it was after all the last civilized meal I was to have. The memory of Jennie’s once a year fall Chinook in her backyard with silly puddy makeup chiseled on was enough to make anyone want to vomit. My buddy had sent it to me right before I left. Thanks JEFF.
So I followed the signs the last one saying “Jennie is the Queen Mother Alien”, I knew I was almost there. I saw the brand new “shitter” that we would later spray paint the name “Spike” on and the band of Ford Trucks. To my surprise the guys were all sitting around the campfire.
I got out and said “Howdy!” and asked Garreee if he knew what mileage was so that I’d have an indication of exactly how far I had to go before that next right. Garreee laughed and said...
“Ah, we have a chick at camp.” This indicating that any complaint made at the expense of the dumb shit moves of the guys would be taken as a female bitch complaint. I could give a shit after getting mud all over my new Ford. Little did I realize that it would take three whole hours to remove the caked frozen mud from the bottom of “Tounces Road Machine” when I got back home.
I immediately threw on some cammie and was told by Garreeeeee who was having potty problems (this was dissertation #1 on Gary’s Bowels), that the elk migrated in a steady stream from the top of the ridge, so all I had to do was just walk in a straight line up the way he pointed and I’d run into one.
Okayyyyyyyyy....
So off Orvis Boy and I went. He was obviously on day three of a drunken stupor because I wasn’t around to prevent him and we made our merry way up some game trail. I decided that since I saw about 100 other hunters that maybe by the grace of god something would be shooed my way since I HAD NEVER HUNTED THIS AREA BEFORE.
"Oh Elk Gods! You have forsaken us you have let us seen you but now let us taste of your blooddddd---
Except this Wild Turkey Sacrifice!
(No dumbass Garee kicked the fire)
Then a big cow elk went running through the clearing I was hiding at the edge of. This was rather promising. It got dark and I made back to camp, where Garreee was on Dissertation #4 about his bowels. I soon had the “Shit files” going. Garree’s friend Kevin the quiet guy didn’t look very happy. I guess as Garree kept spraying he kept building it up. We were with exploding guy and imploding guy. I don’t know what the hell they feed these Navy Guys but our military needs a better diet.
Next morning we got up at the crack of dawn, Garree’s time which was already light. I decided I needed to get to know the country side and figure it out so we went a road hunting. After the Wild Turkey pumpking carving Episode of the night before Orvis Boy was not to be gotten out of bed.
So I told Garreee I wanted to go below all the other hunters. So we drove through the beautiful country side of clear cuts and old pine trees. Thrown here and there were lovely yellow Tamaracks that contrasted brutally against the black and orange bark of their bigger pine tree brothers. Garree had also told me that he had noticed the elk eating the stems of the very large mushrooms lying about. I thought cool, elk on shrooms.
Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge spike in the trees. I slammed on the brakes yelled at Garree to get the fuck out and kill it. Garree grabbed his gun loaded it and ran into the trees as I yelled at him that’s where I saw it, he yelled back Angie grab your gun which I was already doing. Then as I shut the door of the truck. Garree jumping up and down like a kid back at the truck, said “It had horns! It was a Spike!” I yelled back...
“WHY DIDN’T YOU KILL IT????”
Well,,,,,,,
Then the rules started and we came up with 37 by the end of the trip...
1. Do not slam brakes while road hunting
2. Do not back up while road hunting
3. Leave engine on while road hunting
4. Do not slam doors while road hunting
5. Do not tell Tounces when we see spikes too that she’s right
6. Do not only have one bullet in gun when going after second Spike of the evening
Yup, I learned that due to my special Fishing Guide Abilities I can see elk when no one else can so I became road hunting babe or as Garree and Orvis Boy described me...
“Tounces the Driving Cat”
I guess I kind of scared them as I would get the truck a weeee bit too close to the edge of the cliff or giant tree trunk. But what did they expect? Tounces was road hunting! I did start driving them nuts when I took the Tounces thing a little too far.
“Tounces is hungry and the elk remind me of mice with their mousey like ears.”
“Tounces has to go wee wee so she needs to find a liter box.”
“Tounces is thirsty can she get some Crown Nip?”
“Tounces needs to be pettedddddddddddd.”
“Tounces needs to scratch can I use that big 350 Ford Dualie Diesel that almost keeps taking off my mirror?”
After the Tounces thing got old the boys starting dubbing me “Ditch Bitch" Nice, huh?
So we're gonna give Dave a nice piece of assssssssss
Don't you love how I put my Halloween Pictures in here?
See Kevin and Matt were from the Midwest and were afraid to go very far from the camp. They thought that they might get lost in the woods. I guess if you aren’t from here the hills, valleys, cliffs and deep woods can kind of get to you. So for the last two years they only hunted 1 mile from camp, which might be why they had never seen an elk. They thought I was nuts seeing so many but hey, ya gotta think like an elk, eat like an elk and act like an elk to find them (yes, I was pretending to be Booby Balless of Hissy Pissy Pursuit’s girlfriend how’d ya guess?). I was one with the elk following “the shroom trail”.
So when they got back Tom regaled us with the story of the Spike he couldn’t have missed with his 8mm rifle. Though from what we were told of the elk’s blood trail it was more likely that the elk cut itself shaving when it was shot. After the boys had searched for two hours without a trace was when Tom told them the whole story...
7. Whoever shoots an elk and can’t find it and gets back to camp has to tell the WHOLE STORY from beginning to end.
At the end of a wasted two hour search Tom finally mentioned that twenty minutes after shooting the elk and it disappearing, there were two shots 150 yards away from the ridge.
MMMMMMMM--- anyone want to guess what happened?
More road rules...
8. Don’t let Angie and Garee drink a bottle of tequila.
9. Cranking “The Best of Black Sabbath and Judas Priest’s “Sad Wings of Destiny” does not help the road hunt.
10. Tounces is not allowed to shot gun bad beer in the back seat of the truck during flash backs to cruising in high school with Garee.
So what did the three rules broken above equal back at the camp fire? A huge vocal war!
First topic between youngsters and old timers...
“Composite guns are not better than wooden ones no matter how much padding they have on them. Young hunters like them because they remind them of the “Terminator”. Hey, that’s the second time we’ve mentioned Arnold. So how’s this...
“ARNOLD FOR PRESIDENT I DON’T CARE IF HE’S FROM AUSTRIA”.
Second topic between youngsters and old timers...
“My Stock Jeep Cherokee can make it through the mud pits of the Powerline Hole all I need to do is take the sway bar off and it can go through six foot mud pits. How do we know they were six feet? Orvis boy stuck a stick in one.”
Third Topic between Garee and Tounces...
“Who’s animal is it the person who shoots it or the first person that tags it? Garee’s stance who ever tags it first, Tounces’: “Fuck that!”
This turned into a shouting match BTW because everyone had passed out by then.
“So if I shot an elk through the lungs and it went 50 yards down the hill with me after it and some asshole puts a tag in it’s ear, it’s his elk?” Tounces states
Gareeee “Yup” Tounces screams incoherently back at him.
“So if I shot an elk from a ridge and it drops on the spot and some asshole puts a tag in its ear, it’s his elk?”
Gareeeee “yup, he got to it first.” Tounces agains screams incoherently back at him.
“So if I shot an elk dropped it immediately and aliens without a non-resident tag, tag the thing with shiny alien paper in the ear then it’s their elk?”
Gareeee “Wait a minute????? Yup, even Big Foot can tag it!”
With that Tounces screams and pounces for Garee’s throat and they begin to wrestle. Angie throws Garee into a full nelson and kicks his six foot five ass. Hey wait a minute how can that happen? Well, Garee was downing the bottle after congratulating himself on the Big Foot line. He couldn’t help himself and was going to fall down in a drunken stupor anyways...
Whoopsy! Times running out.
To sum up the trip, I almost got stepped on by a herd of cows while sleeping off the tequila hangover, it turned cold like 19 degrees cold, which is so cold that even my implants froze (boy will my doctor receive hell on my check up) and we didn’t see a thing till late afternoon because of the frozen conditions. Oh yeah! I chased a 4 point bull around in a circle for the fun of it.
So what was the quality hunt?
I’D SAY THE MULE DEER HUNT WOULDN’T YOU? After 40 miles of hoofing it and driving around for hours I’d rather shoot my game the first day and be “the camp bitch” drinking beer and cooking for the week.
Next month stay tune for Angie going to West Virginia for a little tree stand deer hunting. I’m gonna be video taped.
Again what I’d call a quality hunt! We’ll be shooting Coyotes at night. There’s skill there since them suckers are fast! I know it will be a quality hunt because Angie will have to remain quiet so that the deer will come into range! Now that’s a quality hunt indeed!
Hawkeye! If you’re in it for the experience I suggest you take up fly fishing.
It’s CO HO HO TIME BOYZ!!!!
Check out that Brown Trout. You know that Salmon & Steelhead Journal couldn't even dream of getting a picture like that.
He wrote me some of the best fan mail ever. Unfortunately like most of the email I get... I haven't had much time to answer.
It's handsome guys like him that make me update my web site.
It's time to do an update on...
"Where the fags are now?"
I gave a look see and it's the funniest shit I have ever read so be prepared for making fun of the "best of the geeks" from Angie's web site. You won't be disappointed!