Got a difference of opinion? Bring it on...
Angie@thefishingoddess.com
Want to email me how much you love or hate me? Please note my new email address. You too can be cool like me and have a "fishingoddess" email account. Actually, that would never happen but it can't hurt.
I WILL POST THEM ON MY SITE WITH WITTY AND TASTELESS COMEBACKS TO EMBARRASS YOU SO BE WARNED... YOU BRING IT UPON YOURSELF...
EMAILER BE WARNED!!!
THIS SITE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK AND SENSITIVE OUTDOORSMAN!
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED THEN GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SITE!
MISSION STATEMENT...
Just look at me as the self proclaimed warrior against yuppies and geeks taking over our beloved outdoor sports and ruining them by jacking up the prices, scaring the game, getting in our way and worse of all having to look or deal with these dumbasses.
MENTAL NOTE...
When we refer to fly fishermen and we are making fun of them we are refering to Purist Fly Fishermen or what I'd like to call...
DESIGNER FLY FISHERMEN
SECOND WARNING...
My web site is not a reliable source of information. All content is based on hearsay, my personal opinion and fiction. None of these facts are checked by anyone not even me. In fact most of the time I can't even tell what is reality or what I dreamed last night. Yes, my dreams are that real.
COUNTER FROM MY SITE STATISTIC'S PAGE
420,756 viewers... That's about 27,000 hits a week folks
My My My... A lot of people just READ my site. What about the rest of yous fishing sites? That's right they just come there to post bullshit on forums and no one reads what you have to say.
What does this mean? That you're about as entertaining as silt on a river rock. Oh OUCH!!!!If I had a forum to estimate my site number just quadruple it if you want to accurately compare me to other sites
There's not a coho anywhere in sight?
Or the cohos don't come in this late and if they do they are leather like in appearance?
I don't know where you all are fishing but I can't seem to stop catching chrome bright coho..
Why is that?
You are a dumbass and I'm not?
First off we got a lot of things to talk about today that aren’t fishing related plus I’m adding a hole new page or would that be whole new page to the ol’ site. So I’m gonna try to make this short and sweet. What is this page going to be dedicated to, you all wonder completely enthralled?
It is dedicated to the freaks and nut cases that are proposing such wacky “New WDFW Rulings” that we just have to make fun of them! It’s too good to pass up! It’s kind of like making fun of Michael Jackson going to jail.
How do you think they are going to choose the correctional officer that will have the lucky job to pick up Michael’s nose and tape it back on when it falls off once a week? Will that correctional officer be paid extra for going beyond the call of duty? Will Michael get an extra big cell so that he can stick a Merry Go Round in it? And the big question is...
WHAT CORRECTIONAL OFFICER WILL BE FORCED TO DO HIS MAKEUP BECAUSE IF WE WERE TO SEE THE REAL MICAHEL WITHOUT MAKEUP (the thought scares the shit out of even me) THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE HORRIFIED!
Talk about childhood trauma for all of us kids that grew up in the 80s and idolized him. Hey, whatever did I do with my shiny glove? I know I saved my parachute pants somewhere...
There's something diffently wrong with a nation that allows someone to molest innocent boys to get a way with it just because he's BLACK and a rich pop star.
I know it was just me that thought it was weird that a 40 year old man wanted small boys to spend the night at his mansion...
1. The “Tales from the Crypt Keeper”
2. A pile of hamburger with teeth and eyes.
3. A rotting chum
4. A rotting cadaver
5. A melting “Chucky Doll”
6. A burn victim who’s face was put out by fire fighters using a rake
7. An Easter Egg found in June
8. The lady monkey scientist from “Planet of the Apes”
9. Black?
10. And the top 10 thing that Michael Jackson will look like without his makeup on is
Yup, you guessed it...
CHER
Did I digress so soon?
This was when it was cool to look like Michael. Do you think it's still cool to look like a PEDIPHILE.
You only know that Elizabeth Taylor and Lisa Marie Presley knew...
“THE MOST PARANOID AWARD OR GOLLUM FROM LORD OF THE RINGS AWARD"
goes to James Mason
He wants to close the whole entire Skagit River System because everyone is a poacher that fishes it. That’s a LOT of poachers and someone is not taking his medication!
“KISS MY ASS AWARD” goes to Washington State Trout Association
They want to take all unnatural species of trout, bass, Muskies and the like and get rid of them all from our pristine Northwest Waters. I know they’re right but they just aren’t a fun group of guys, have a heart for all of them misplaced Southern Bass Fishermen! Will ya?
“LOVE / HATE RELATIONSHIP AWARD” goes to James Hearn
I love most of his proposals but there are a few that go beyond the realm of sanity.
“I DON’T KNOW DICK FLY FISHERBOY AWARD” goes to Ryan Petzold
That’s right a kid who can barely catch the bus to his Fishery Biologist Class at the UW let alone a fish, wants the WHOLE SKYKOMISH RIVER SYSTEM TO HAVE A BAIT BAN FROM JUNE 1st to OCTOBER 31st. We will also talk about his special river the Beckler up there by Skykomish City. I use to fish the Beckler for them big five pound rainbows in its upper reaches. Man was that some tasty ass trout. Hee Hee Want to email Ryan about a COMPLETE AND UTTER BAIT BAN OF THE SKYKOMISH? Go to Piscatorial Pursuits.com where the kid practically lives 24X7, figures he’d hang out there.
“LETS KILL THEM ALL AWARD” goes to Marty Michaelis
His enthusiasm for killing as many wild steelhead on their spawning beds is just “CRAZY”! This boy is a killing machine we need to send him over to the Middle East and tell him them terrorist are disguised as steelhead! His real problem is that he doesn’t like plugs but hey, if I can use bait in bait closed C&R areas instead of plugs I’ll switch any day of the week!
After reading my little WDFW Proposals I realized that they put every person who submitted a “Sports Ruling Change” in there. So what does that mean my brethren? You can request anything you want also. So stand up to these freaks that want to take your fishing rights away or get behind the people that want us sports fishers to have more rights. Go visit my new page which will be done some time by the end of this week at...
THE DRAMA THAT IS SPORTS FISHING RULE PROPOSALS
Don't you love Snake fish? They are ever so SNAKEY...
Anyone ever notice that I get pictures from all over the United States by top fishermen that love my site?
Just wanted to point that out folks...
I wish the Native Americans thought that way but hey, they are the supposed “Guardians of Nature” right? So all that netting they do is for the future of their offspring and not to fill the bellies of Anthony’s Homeport’s finest patrons? RIGHT?
Speaking of Native Americans...
The Hoh Natives had their life support funding cut just recently. The Hohs have always netted here and there for their own substinence and Potlatches but now folks be prepared for...
“NETS GOING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER! A COUPLE DAYS A WEEK CONSISTENTLY THROUGHOUT THE YEAR ALL THE TIME”
I wish someone would educate the world out there that “Native Winterrun Steelhead” taste like sawdust due to their low fat content but then again. Not everyone has my superior taste buds. If the fish’s meat alone doesn’t taste good lightly cook in olive oil and zested with lemon, then it deserves to be drowned in “Campbells Mushroom Soup”. If you’re gonna do that then why don’t you just buy farmed Atlantics and why don’t you stay at home on your Levitz bought velveteen couch watching Wheel of Fortune?
This alone will save thousands of steelhead but then you have to convince people that think “Jack In the Box” is a four star restaurant what good food is. That’s way too much work for little ol’ me.
Angie this week for catching the smallest jack coho. We've decided to start a new contest to give out the smallest fish award.
Since Little Cleo represents small in every which way. We thought it only appropriate to name it thus.
Looks like “Joe Millionaire Revisted” was a smash hit. The lovely Czech girl was picked by the dumbest cowboy on earth and everyone lived happily ever after on his Texas Ranch. Do you know why Fox bought him a ranch instead of giving him the ½ million? Because they didn’t want to see him out on the streets homeless after spending it all on conniving gold digging European Girls. DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
So now you think since Joe Millionaire has been done in Europe it is all over folks? Right?
WRONG
There is one place left where they don’t watch American Television and that’s in Asia? Or is it the Orient? I can’t remember what bloody terminology is politically correct so I’m going to say Orient because that will just irritate my Japanese Fly Fishing viewers.
Now who are they going to find stupid enough to play Joe Millionaire? Or the question is what trade group can possibly unfold another Joe prospect? We already hit the construction arena, but Evan was pretty smart. You can’t get much dumber than a cowboy. Who else would be stupid enough to get on a 1,000 pound bull that has a string tied around its balls and try to ride it?
You know the things men do for fun just amazes me.
I think the next Joe Millionaire is going to be yup you guessed it.
A LAID OFF BOEING EMPLOYEE
(any one that has worked for Boeing will immediately get this joke)
Now imagine the setting. We’re in Thailand at one of the beautiful palaces. The girls will consist of the following;
A couple of 13 and younger native “Vestile Virgins”!
A couple of 16 year old experienced prostitutes sold by their parents from Cambodia! Remember Full Metal Jacket Boys? “Sucky Sucky Five Dollar!”
A couple of college educated Chinese Ladies that just want OUT and will do anything, China has just gone to shit I heard since the British left Hong Kong
A few Geishas from Japan because the way the normal girls are raised over there they just couldn’t compete, they don’t have the sexual experience. Come on why else would Japanese Men ignore the Viagra on the shelves and consume mass quantities of
Bear Gall Bladders
Tiger Balls
Powdered Sea Horses
Powder Rhino Horn
Korean Girls will get elimated immediately due to their diet of Kim Shee and the peculiar odor that comes from eating it. Which is too bad because they are such a lovely people.
Am I making fun of Asian women? Am I being Racist? Hell NO! Come on what do you think they say about us American Women? Especially with Pamela Lee Anderson as our World Spoke’s Model?
“American Women are all peroxide and silicone. You have to be stupid to do that to yourself! We will invade their country and steal all their men. What men would want plastic titties that pop when you squeeze them?
That was just bad wasn’t it?
OOPSY! Gotta go!
Hey, please note all my coho pictures. I thought the run was over and all the rivers were fried? That’s what I keep reading on the internet.
I guess when you’re as beautiful and as smart as me you can find tasty salmon all over the place. God I hate being me!
HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
GOBBLE GOBBLE
You can if you're fishing buddy or guide is ANGIE...
NOTHING
They even look the same. Too bad they don't fight as well, though when Chad lost that 16 pound buck because it hit the lure so hard the FIRELINE BROKE and jumped out of the water 10 feet we were wondering...
DOES IT! DOES IT! DOES IT!
DUE TO STRONGLY BASED FLY FISHING ORGANIZATIONS THE FOLLOWING PROPOSAL MIGHT BE PASSED BY A FEW OVER ZEALOUS PYSCHOS!
THIS RULING IS RIDICULOUS AND IS AGAIN TAKING AWAY OUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE.
PUT A STOP TO IT!
EMAIL JACOBE WHAT'S HIS FACE WITH YOUR PROTEST BEFORE DECEMBER 5TH & 6TH!
IF THEY ARE ALLOWED TO PASS THIS THE NEXT THING WILL BE MORE BAIT BANS, MORE BOAT BANS AND MORE BARB BANS.
DO YOU WANT YOUR RIGHTS TAKEN AWAY?
I DO MY PART I RELEASE ALL NATIVE STEELHEAD UNDER 10 POUNDS WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM ANYWAYS BUT A 20 POUNDER? A TROPHY OF A LIFETIME THAT I PUMP HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS INTO THE LOCAL ECONOMY TO CATCH! SCREW THAT!
I CALL BULLSHIT!
EMAIL JACOBE RIGHT THIS SECOND OR LOSE YOUR RIGHT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THE TROPHY FISH OF YOUR DREAMS.
OR WE COULD ALWAYS TAKE PICTURES OF THEM IN THE WATER
IN THE GODDAMN NET!
DUMBASSES TOTAL DUMBASSES TO PROPOSE SUCH A RULING. I KNOW WHAT SOME OF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO DO IN PROTEST. THEY WON'T HANDLE THE FISH.
THEY'LL THROW IT ACROSS THE RIVER!
ARE WE A COMMUNIST STATE OR WHAT???????
DON'T BELIEVE ME GO HERE...
Now that's a fish. For all you wannabes out there you're looking at a MARLIN.
That title just sounds like you’re in for a “dousy of a rant” today but sorry boys, the term perversion covers many aspects besides the following;
Men that like to look at, beat off and lick feet (purist fly fishermen)
Men that like little boys (Catholic Priests & purist fly fishermen)
Men that like little girls (Inbred white trash or Ghetto black parents)
Men that like sheep (anyone East of Idaho & West of Virginia)
Men that like it if a woman pees on him (Mafia gangsters & purist fly fishermen)
Men that like to be bound, gagged and beaten (Body Builders & Skinheads)
What has always bothered me about people’s sexuality is the fact that women are rarely perverts (unless they were sexually molested by a relative, 2 out of 10 there folks), women don’t do all this weird stuff and most of all women are never serial killers. (Where the hell did that come from?)
That’s right! Do you EVER see, hear, or read any stories about a woman running around killing other women, other men, or children? I’d just like to point this out that there is some thing very very wrong with the male gender. LIKE...
Ted Bundy
Green River Murderer
Does it scare anyone that both these boys grew up in Washington where the most psychotic purist fly fishermen live? Is there a similarity?
Am I being sexist? Of course I am but thousands of women are going to agree with me! It is always the men that do awful things, are mentally imbalanced and post on any kind of forums 24X7. Yes, there are exceptions but those are mostly fat and ugly women and they have always been mentally unstable from the get go. I mean they choose to be fat and ugly. No one has to be fat and you can do something about being ugly (wear a bag over your head and live in a cave so no one has to look at you).
What I really love is that being fat is now a DISEASE.
Gotta love America where they define a disease as someone that watches Jerry Springer all day long eating Krispy Kremes. Where the thought of getting up and moving a muscle causes such high stress levels which causes them to eat even more is considered a DISEASE! Talk about your CATCH 22!
Some one that is over weight to the point that they cannot do any exercise without causing extreme damage to their heart. It’s okay to be 30 pounds over weight and to look like your nine months pregnant as a man but when your biceps are as big as your thighs. You got some major problems.
IS SHE EVER GOING TO TALK ABOUT FISHING TODAY? AND WHERE WAS SHE GOING WITH THIS SERIAL KILLER SHIT?
So we were talking about “PERVERSION”
I go deer hunting with my tranquilizer gun during the off season. I shoot the deer, track it down, take a picture of it (if it didn’t fall over a cliff in a drug induced trance), and then I revive it with smelling salts, pat it on the butt and watch it run away.
What did I just do? I “perverted” hunting.
I want to become an artist. So I go to art school in France and learn how to paint properly. I study the greats like Monet, Rembrandt and Schezan. I then take a canvas paint if completely red, sprinkle glue and blue glitter on it, title it “The Spirit of the torture Negro Soul” and sell if for $20,000.
What did I just do? I “perverted” art.
Is Angie dare saying that modern art is a joke? Well, yeah of course I am.
So let us look through the years at fishing. Caveman went down to the river and speared a fish and ate it. Pioneer went down to the river with worm and hook, caught fish and ate it. Bored Noblemen in Scotland went down to the river with bamboo rod, silk lines and flies, caught big Atlantic Salmon and ate them.
Anyone ever noticed that the coolest of Aristocrats, Presidents and Kings were great Hunters and Fishermen? Russia’s Peter The Great, King Henry the 8th and his father Edward, Louis the IVX (the guy that built Versaille(?)) and the late great Teddy Roosevelt? Just to name a few.
Mark Dietrich with a chrome bright winter run steelhead.
He'd just like us Northwesterners to know that www.michigansportsman.com does not represent Michigan in any way.
At least not the guys that know how to fish in that state.
In Washington our Insane Purist Fly Fishermen have “perverted” fishing into such an atrocity that even I don’t recognize it anymore.
And now some freak activist groups and a few members of “the WSC” want to make it so that you cannot even touch the fish you are fishing for? I didn’t mind not killing Wild Steelhead because the winter runs taste like dried up sawdust, but now having to cut the fish off at the leader because if you catch a big monster fish and you can’t take him out of the water to calm him down that’s what you’re going to be doing folks. This is too much to bare!
Now we all know it’s probably not the Wild Steelhead Coalition’s fault that they have some freaks on board and I haven’t researched my page yet, where we are going to take some of the rejected “INSANIETY PROPOSALS” and post them for all of you to see with corresponding email addresses so you can tell these “fuck heads” just how fucked in the head they are. I hope this page does some good to curb their insaniety. Just imagine them on the river bank as they watch the drift boats go by... Imagine Gollum of Lord of the Rings.
“PRECIOUS, OH PRECIOUS... I know they are poaching you. Oh Precious! Every boat has a murderer in it. They are hiding you, oh Precious. Precious... Are you dead! My Precious. I will save you PREEEECCCCIIIOOUUSSSSSSS!”
Oh and my apologies to the Wild Steelhead Coalition who I ignorantly blamed at first. We cannot blame them for harboring a few weirdo overzealous nimrods. We can’t expect them to “Roushach” every new member. (What does this card remind you of? A poached steelhead? WRONG ANSWER.) Though how they put up with these weirdos I do not know. Remember folks every fishing club or group has a few nutcases and if you run into them you can do some thing about it like...
TELL THEM THEY ARE A UCKIN NUTCASE!
ANYWAYS...
Let me tell you how this “proposal process” works in the first place. You come up with a “proposal” on a ruling that you think would help the fish. You get a bunch of people to back it up and then they might vote it into the WDFW regulations.
You know kind of like how the “Purist Fly Groups” made the North Fork of the Stillagamush into “Fly Fishing Only” for most of the year and made it illegal to fish from a boat. This screwed the gear fisherman out of some of the best boon doggin and plug pulling water in the lower part that can’t even be fished from bank.
Some of the thinking of “Designer Fly Guys” is that if you get rid of the truly effective fishermen then they can save the fish. Since “Designer Fly Guys” are too stupid to see the whole picture they try to pick on what they can see, gear guys catching fish. If they were smart they would go to the mouths of these rivers and see that instead of banning boat fishing they would do much better by...
CUTTING OR PROTESTING THE NETS THAT GO ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER.
Should someone tell these guys this? I’m really getting tired of it.
When I talked about this with a notorious guide he said the following:
“ Who knows, maybe they came from some of the elitist fly groups. Peter Soverel was always pretty good at cooking up these kind of things. He submitted a proposal last year to outlaw fishing from a boat on the Skagit and Sauk. LOL!”
So my favorite point to all of this is...
Since the WDFW will not attempt to accurately count Native Netting or the Commericials they have to look like they are doing something to save our beloved fish. So what is that you ask?
By messing with and making it tougher for the group that doesn’t have the power or lobbies to fight back. And who’s that?
THE SPORTS FISHERMAN!
Remember folks we get 50% of the catch and we’re abusing it by snagging them and worse of all... Holding the fish out of the WATER!
Hey, have the Commercials netted for chum in Puget Sound yet this season? Or shall we just call it netting for the by catch that are the “BLACK MOUTH”?
Since I keep digressing over and over again let’s sum it all up as...
What do Washington Designer Fly Guys, Perverts, and Serial Killers have in common?
When the pioneers hit the end of the Oregon Trail all the happy attractive people went South and all the ugly psychos went North!
She's having way too much fun.
Ya think?
Here's a good question what's the difference between killing this native coho and a native steelhead?
NOTHING THAT'S WHAT!
FISHING WITH HALLE AND ANGIE
(Sorry, my Canadian viewers we’re making fun of Shelly and Cortney today)
“Good Day, everyone! Today we’re coho fishing with Captain Tom Nelson or who we like to affectionately call Captain Nellie. Ey, where we fishing today Captain Nellie?”
Angie asks in her bad Canadian Accent.
Tom Nelson the Captain of a 21 foot Alumaweld Supervee the largest sled out there that he bought to match his huge frame of six foot five, glares at Angie and asks who the hell she’s talking to. Halle being from Persia smiles & waves towards the front of the boat where Angie told her was stowed a secret video camera and she seductively puts on her borrowed “Cabela’s Silent Suede Waterproof Superbag Ensemble.” The imaginary television audience boos...
As they race up the river towards the first hole. Angie and Halle are having a tough time of it. They had kept their hair down for the imaginary male audience’s viewing pleasure but after the sixth time of painfully removing the hair from her contact lenses and out of her mouth Angie braids it back. How the hell do Shelly and Courtney wear their hair down while fishing? They must have cement hair gel or they haven’t washed it for a week. Okay, the girls in the audience get this humorous reference. Sorry guys...
“I thought this was your shin dig, since last time we fished “Captain Nelson Dicknite Style.”
“Oh, that’s right! I forgot, ey. Hey, am I putting the eys in the right place? I thought since we’re pretending a rip off from Courtney and Shelley you’re suppose to know everything and we’re suppose to ask stupid questions, ey.”
I responded smiling at the camera stowed up in the bow. Halle does a complimentary hair flip and casts still smiling at the camera and hooking Tom’s baseball hat in the process.
So Tom grunts again, rips the spinner from his hat and hooks into a coho with a spinner. Halle casts and gets her first coho on a spinner and hoochie combo.
“Captain Nellie, sir. Why do the coho like the spinner, ey?”
“The blade attracts them.” He looks at me incredulously.
“Captain Nellie, sir. Why do the coho like the hoochie, ey?”
“Quit calling me Captain Nellie. The hoochie attracts them too.” He glares at me.
I take off my hat and let my hair down doing the Charlie Angel hair flip thing for the imaginary camera stowed in the bow of the boat.
“Captain Nellie, sir. Why are coho called coho, ey?
With that Captain Nellie glowered and refused to answer, least he murdered me. I asked if we could stop by one of the restaurants on the way home and film a scene cooking all the coho we got and that’s when he lost it.
So to get back at us and ruin our “imaginary television show”, he showed us that one of the coho had leeches on it and Halle immediately began to scream. Captain Nellie took pleasure in this as Halle climbed on top of the Mercury Outboard in terror, Tom then put a leech on a healing cut on his hand. The leech immediately tripled in size, Tom squealed in pain as he removed it and we had to cut that scene out least Tom sued.
At the end of the day we all limited out, had quite an adventure and Halle was mad that I forgot to put film in the imaginary video camera.
Please note the fine ass boat we're in. We went fishing with his "highness" Tom Nelson of www.fishskagit.com. That's a 21 foot Alumaweld Supervee we're in.
Pretty taint it? So are all them NATIVE COHO HANGING FROM A STICK.
HEY WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BONKING A NATIVE COHO OR A NATIVE STEELHEAD?
ALL MY FISHING FORUMS
Hey, I wasn’t suppose to do this anymore but we just have to because it’s time to reveal what a bunch of dumb asses really do exist on Booby Balless’s infamous “Piscatorial Pursuits”! Booby Balless being the head kahuna of them all.
It seems that over the weekend Angie hit black ice and gave her truck a little booboo. One of Angie’s followers decided to wreak a little havoc on Booby’s dead dull board to liven it up a bit. Where if we discuss the following topics one more time;
We love you Bob! You work so hard guiding and rowing people around you are so the man! It’s like you do it for free! (insert mental picture of some newbie trying to suck his dick for a free trip).
You have 750 days Booby (exactly two more years) to buy me, SquishGal an engagement ring or I’m out of here! (Wasn’t that two years ago when she made the first ultimatum New Years 2001? Man, waiting 7 years for an engagement ring is pretty patient if you ask me. No wonder she’s such a good little fishercow, fisherpiggie or would that be fisherblob? Oops).
If any one gets out of line, I’m kicking you off! This is a friendly board and we’re all going to agree or you are GONE!
What type of rod, drift boat, jet sled, hook, leader set up, lead set up, waders, wading shoe, baseball hat, lucky fishing underwear, condom, do you prefer?
I’m going to SCREAM...
ANYWAYS...
So one of my wreaking havoc followers decided to make Booby’s board a bit more interesting and what other way to do that but to mention the “Queen of Mean” and Booby’s arch nemesis Angie. Do you all know why you can’t write my name on Booby’s board? Because I’ve been torturing the shit out of Booby ever since he tried to get me fired from an old job of mine. Yup, folks I told him in an email that his board sucks and he forwarded to my boss.
Now there’s a nark for you.
I’m waiting for my favorite one to appear...
Latest Angie Accident Update
Last reported that the child in question is still in a Coma and Doctor John Cook was flown in from the East Coast. Upon examining the child in question, he gave the prognosis that the child would only live after a brain transplant was performed and only one of the parents could donate. Angie was last reported being seen chasing Orvis Boy down the street with a Sickle screaming “Save my baby! Save my baby!”
Do you think after that post these dumb asses could figure it out?
What’s even funnier is that you know Booby is just sitting there eating it up thinking, “Oh, man her kids got hurt now no one is going to like her. She deserves it for being a bitch? Ha ha ha ha...”
The best part was when the really stupid members thought that we weren’t kidding. (Yes, sir we really airlifted the rods to Woodlawn and left the kids in the ditch.) They probably don’t even know who Zane Grey is or Robert Haig Brown.
Poor Booby. Isn’t it sad that he is so deprived in the mental department that he can’t even tell a joke and at his own expense? Thank god I have a sense of humor I’d kill my self if I was as boring as him.
Speaking of Booby Freaks there was one fella on there that is dear to my heart and I just don’t know what to do about him. See folks since the “Real Man Page” and the “Allmighty King Page” have been up. I’ve been having all sorts of problems with the freaks of the net. See they for some reason in their delusional little minds think that their tiny 10 pound spawned out fish are really 20 pound chromers. This fellow below whose moniker is “LtlCleo” sent me the following pictures and email.
You know what's worse than being a
WANNABE GUIDE?
Being a
WANNABE FISHERMAN! oh ouch...
I just love you web site and you are one fine woman. I’m sending you this picture of my first steelhead caught in the Hood Canal Area. I’d tell you where but then I would have to kill you. Just joshing. Hope this is worthy for your Realman Page. This is a fifteen pound steelhead that I caught and released.”
Well, you can imagine my dilemma when I get these emails. I’ve actually told some of these fellows that the fish are too dark and too small in the nicest way possible and then they get pissed off and go on the internet and denounce me.
Again what the hell do I do? I really wish they would stay on Booby’s Board where they belong. He is in fact the “King of Delusion”. You’d think by the way he acts that he single handedly found the Olympic Peninsula, stocked the Olympic Peninsula, and is the only one that can fish it.
NOW THAT’S SAD?
I’M OUTTA HERE FOLKS...
That thing looks like bait for fish like these! Let Bill and I take this fruit loop fishing and take care of it...
Just got back from fishing the Sok and talk about fun- tons of Chums and by the way they are bigger then the dudes fish in your email but please don’t enter me in the Realman page…
That fish isn’t alive.
I responded yes it is.
Again that fish isn’t alive. Not after he caught it.
Yup, folks I'm a little ol' Scorpio. The Astrological Sign "most likely to be murdered or to murder", I kind of like that stigma don't you?
Well, I'm busy doing trips for the next month. Please note folks that this month will be rocking for me (unless we have another flood) so if you're dying to slay fish with the most gorgeous fisherwoman out there, now's the time. I promise non-stop action and the river all to ourselves.
Alan had a great time and got more than his limit except he had a hard time applying "Angie's Technique" for slaying coho. After I gave him vasts amounts of shit all day long he finally got it and started kicking ass. He's already applying my salmon techniques down in Oregon and loving it! He said it was fun to be "EMASCULATED" by little ol' me.
Why was that?
Because it felt that much better when he got his "BALLS" back.
Stay tune the big hooknose (15 to 20 pounders) are coming in and we already lost a couple! DUE TO WOOD!
So tune in for one of the funniest pages I have ever written and it's all dedicated to the fake redhead in the picture. BTW Is that Clairol's Bronze Red #9 or would that be Red Dye #4 that you too can by at your local Walmart? Do you think that when the Dentist cleans Miss Jennie of Ifish.net's teeth that he uses a jack hammer to wack the ol' plaque off them pertruding granite slabs?
Actually those might not even be her real teeth because what natural human has gums like that? By the looks of them I'm thinking that Mr. Ed lost his dentures or better yet she STOLE THEM!
I know let's email Jennie and ask her!
WARNING
All jokes made at Jennie's expense are the sole opinions and viewpoints of the author. They are not meant to be truthful in any form, but are all based on hearsay and no reliable sources of information.
Dave in Idaho and he's having a gay ol' time now taint he?
Okay, my hunting and fishing brethren, my studs of the woods and my main men of the back country. It is time we unite. It is time that we do something. It is time that we take a stand. I don’t care if you don’t have any time at work or at home. It is now time for ACTION. It is now time to TAKE CONTROL.
IT IS NOW TIME TO DESTROY THESE UCKIN GEEKS OF THE INTERNET AND THEIR STUPID ASS NARKING FORUMS.
Why is that you ask?
It takes one geek. It takes one loser. It takes one pathetic freak that has no friends trying desperately to become accepted by other people behind the virtual screen to ruin a perfectly good fishing spot or in my case...
A ROCKING DUCK POND
This weekend while I was deer hunting, my friend “Pretty Boy Dave” was waiting for a buddy to show up so they could pack in their decoys, guns of mass duck destruction and the puppy to hike in for 1.5 miles and slaughter some of our fine feathered Canadian Corn Fed Mallards. THANK YOU CANADA!
So as he sat there, headlight after headlight after headlight pulled up parked, got out of their rig with some sort of map and trudge unceremoniously off. After the sixth person, “Pretty Boy Dave” got out of his truck trembling in disbelief and asked the other six rigs that pulled up how they had heard about his “little slice of duck breast heaven”.
“On the internet of course.” They replied, unconcern that they were hunting a pond that comfortably hunts about six hunters and would have 30 to 40 on this fine Sunday Morn.
We can only pray that someone got hurt.
“So what is your problem Miss Angie? They are just sharing information on the internet. Everyone is just being helpful. Nothing wrong with that, geez you’re such a bitch.”
AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?
AM I?
I KNOW THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME! THAT’S IT!
I guess if I found a duck pond that no one hunted and I slaughtered ducks there every fall I would drive home at 65 miles per hour or faster the way I drive, I would slam open the door, dive into my computer chair and just start typing away as fast as I could to share my new found pond with hundreds of people I don’t even know so I can find them there the next day.
Because riding a horse is about the only thing that will kill me because I'm deathly allergic to them...
Next time you see some one post on the internet the following;
“Here’s my web site dedicated to the Hoh River! Come see my daily “River Reports” and see how easy it is to fish it! I know eventually that hundreds of other guides will start fishing it in a year or two and then no one will have 5 to 10 steelhead days but hey! I’m such a fucking dumbass and desperate for friends and internet power I just love to fuck myself in the ass!”
“I just fish the Green River Canyon with a float and eggs! I got my limit in 10 minutes! Oh Oh, why are there 10 guys in my hole with float and eggs the next day? Now I didn’t catch anything. The fish must not be here anymore. Except that guy over there with a float and a jig got his limit! Maybe I should get on the internet and ask why that is.”
Gang up on these guys! Make fun of them! Only in huge numbers and name calling can we stop this madness. It is time to become a lynch mob. It is time to burn them at the stake. It is time to round these “narks” up and pelt them with stones.
PLEASE WILL SOME BODY MAKE THEM STOP! JUST MAKE THEM STOP!
Okay Dads can your sons bugle for elk?
“Oh lookey here the Peninsula and the West Side are a flooded mess and even Noah can’t control the ark so I’d go East of the Mountains and fish.”
Boy, I sure do get specific but the difference between the dip shits out there and my perfect self is this...
I make you figure it out unless you pay me the big bucks (yes, I am a river whore). And the others are just stupid beyond belief.
Here is one last plea for the intolerably stupid. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you think any of those guys that caught a fish or killed a duck in your favorite spot thanked you?
NO YOU DUMBASS THEY TOLD ANOTHER 20 OF THEIR CLOSEST FRIENDS AND SO ON AND SO ON AND SO ON...
INTERNET FORUMS MUST BE DESTROYED AND THE PEOPLE THAT CONTRIBUTE TO THEM.
Here’s an idea why don’t you have your fuckin “Geek Communities” of love and support, (what that has to do with fishing and hunting I have no fuckin idea) but make them private. Don’t allow any lurkers to attend. So if you are trying to tell your 50 on line best buds of all the world that you have bonded so well with over your ten fingers and a keyboard, about a specific spot then only they will know and you can have SOME damage control.
OH AND MY BRETHREN OUT THERE... THAT ARE TOO LAZY TO DO JACK SHIT ABOUT IT.
IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU AND THEN YOU’LL REMEMBER THESE WORDS.
IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU SO GET OFF OF YOUR SORRY ASSES AND DO SOMETHING TO PREVENT IT!
Oh, do I feel better? No, but it is beyond my control and I have accepted that.
So what about hunting this weekend?
Let me see. I drove 50 miles North and 25 miles East and then I took Logging Road 29 10 miles in and camped at a green gate. I got up in the morning and walked ½ mile from the camper leaving Sick Mike and his lovely wife Andrea to go in the other direction and I then sat on an old growth stump approximately five feet in diameter and waited for a deer to cross the road down to the creek.
When that failed we all went back and Sick Mike and his “Nasty Bitch” decided to take a nap after breakfast in the camper. After I “The Little Whore” (don’t you love Sick Mike’s nick names for his harem?) washed the dishes I told them I was going to find myself some bedded down deer. I had seen fresh sign all over the place and decided to go beat some brush.
I munched along the logging road and went around the corner and what to my wondering eyes did appear on the hillside? But a huge 400 pound black bear munching berries unconcern. I instantly came down with “Buck Fever”.
I went back around the corner and called Sick Mike who was five minutes running distance away. He had turned off the radio, funny how he had insisted on me taking mine. I called and called and decided that they were doing the nasty. So I took a ton of deep breaths and went back around the corner.
The bear was still munching and didn’t even know I was there. I snuck down to about 65 yards of him, because having a .243 I had to get close and wished to God I had my .06. There was too much brush in the way and no where for me to rest my arm. I was at odds at what to do. I couldn’t go back up the road to 104 yards where the only shot I had of him was a butt shot or a shoulder and still no place to rest my arm and at the angle I was at it would be difficult to just shoot standing up. I could get him in the head but I’m a lousy shot since I’m not an experienced hunter. If I did get a chest shot would the .243 kill him instantly?
There was another choice.
I could go right below him on the hillside and shoot him at close range but what if the following happened;
I didn’t drop him on the first shot and he came running down at me and I didn’t have a pistol and he mauled me to death?
(Why do I hear cheers in the audience?)
So what did I do?
I turned around and jogged to the camper. Pounding on the door I screamed at Sick Mike and his “Nasty Bitch” to get dressed and hoped he was still there. Of course he wasn’t and
Sick Mike and his “Nasty Bitch” swear they weren’t having a nooner. SUREEEEEEE
Some of Letty's happy clients but I think they'd be happier if the fish were brighter.
Then last night as I lay on the couch jiggling my loose knee cap into place I watched the Outdoor Channel and laughed as some dim witted broad sat in a tree stand with a bow and shot at some trophy white tail as some rancher led it thru the trees on a rope.
I thought to myself.
“Why don’t they ever have hunting shows about hunting black tail in the Northwest?”
Why don’t they show these beer bellied Midwesterners and their hippy girlfriends that look more like Mossy Oak Bushes than trees with their shiny boots. Let’s see these spoiled hunters walk through spider webs, twist their ankles in dead fall, and crawl through 4 year old trees.
Let’s see them find huge piles of fresh deer pellets and then hear the thing breaking through the woods and there is no way you can go after them. Let’s see them walk through pits, stumps, thorns, devil’s club and grass that’s four feet tall and spook a deer out only to have it instantly disappear into the old growth.
Yup, I want to watch that deer hunting show, but here’s what they would do.
Since they can’t grow patches of special Biologic Clover, since they can’t lay salt licks everywhere and since they can’t put a tree stand over a barrel of fresh Krispy Kreme donuts.
The equivalent for them would be...
Driving down the road at night with a spot light and a .22 rifle or a .243 and a silencer.
Now that’s a show I want to see.
Will you hear from me in the next two weeks? Probably not. I had to reschedule a bunch of trips due to the flood and storms so I’m going to be a busy little beaver. Speaking of Beavers didn’t WSU slaughter them last weekend? Ha Ha Ha what is WSU ranked at anyways? Isn’t it sixth in the nation?
What about them Huskies? You know they keep showing them on the air but not WSU. I guess sports television thinks that it’s more fun to watch teams lose then to watch them win. I guess sports television wants the losers of the world (internet geeks) to feel better about themselves. I know that’s it!
Oh and there’s a new drug trend going on out there. It’s called “Getting Limbaughed”. I guess the demand for Oxycoton is getting way out of hand. It’s now the new designer drug. Isn’t it special that such a Conservative Anti-Drug Activist has now started a new drug craze?
You gotta love America!
And now it’s time for...
Steve is having some problems with the Internet Geeks out there. But as I try to warn you folks. You hang out with them once you dump their weird asses they act like jilted stalker women.
And I'm not kidding. Internet geeks don't take kindly to rejection and that's why they're always on the internet trying to make friends.
Okay, still not finding the Summer Runs? Go East of the Mountains. Washington is having one of the best year of returns ever. You know the rivers and it’s not that hard to figure it out. Watch out for them nasty kings though. Don’t be snaggin them in the ass as they spawn.
Thompson River
Will be closed this year due to only 800 returning steelhead. It’s about time they shut it down. I remember fishing it with only 950 returning steelhead. I hooked 5 and landed one. You know I feel kind of bad about it but hey, they let me fish so I guess it’s not going to harm any fish. They can be played over and over again, right? It’s perfectly fine for them and you can fish them with bait!
C&R doesn’t do any damage remember?
Salt Water Estuaries
THE CHUM ARE HERE! Tired of fishing for nasty dark salmon in flooded swollen rivers? Get your waders stinky and go to Hoods Canal! Try a bubble float and little green chum candy on a four foot leader. You’ll out fish all them corky guys and get them in the mouth every time.
The Peninsula
Stay away from the Hoh, if it looks nasty it is nasty. The Qualayute System rocks even if they are netting everyday. Why are the Qualayutes netting everyday? Their Fishery Biologist is a Qualayute. He goes down to the river and if he sees a fish swim by! Let’s net everyone! That’s enough for my counts!
Central Oregon
Large Chinook are arriving. Where you ask? I don’t know go ask one of your dumbass internet buddies.
I’m outta heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
Sorry boys, the contest is over, but you do get an honorable mention!
Gotta love people with a sense of humor.
And yes they ate it.
Will not be shown today because I already made fun of them. Will Angie start making fun of them again? I’m thinking about it because some butt ugly bitch thinks she can push me around. Why would anyone be stupid enough to mess with an Italian? Really why? Just remember folks.
I can be just as ugly on the inside as she is on the outside. Which would make me the ultimate evil force of the universe, ya think? Put it this way I bet when you know who is in the grocery store and sees a cute little baby in the cart in front of her and she smiles and goes “Goochy Goo” the baby screams in holy terror.
Now that’s ugly!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
“Angie why haven’t you ranted this month?”
“Angie where is your rant page?”
“Angie I need my daily douse of your unique bitchiness to get me through the day.”
“Angie where’s my reality check?”
“Angie I hate you, you are a bitch but I can’t stop reading your page.... why don’t you update it more often?”
Good God people can’t you read? I’m under major construction. NOT. Major construction is just an excuse for web master retards that are trying to put their sites back up and are too stupid to know how to do it. Yes, I moved my site to another location, saved my ass half the cost on web hosting, and have figured out all this shit about FTP servers, html software, blah blah blah... It’s pretty easy stuff so don’t let them other lame web masters of other web sites tell you how hard it is. Remember they can’t catch any fish or figure it out so what do you think all of this web site confuey does to them?
The only thing that web sites take are a lot of time and since this is the month of October that’s something I don’t have right now. Since my family is trying to kill as many deer as possible, catch as many salmon as possible, and enjoying the Holiday that is Halloween do you think I’m going to be behind the computer screen trying to entertain you pathetic creatures? Sorry boys, I’m painting my children’s faces camo for crawling through the woods and then painting their faces whatever for their costumes.
Plus, my beloved Chevy Blazer is getting old and I am trying to find the perfect truck. Here’s a clue for all of you Chevy & SUV Fanatics out there: Chevy SUVs are weak and tempermental.
Also, as my truck was overheating my beloved Canadian Client of last week’s storm “Justin the Cursed” (he is personally responsible for this week’s Rockport Landslide trapping hundreds of residents in their homes) put antifreeze into my coolant system. Did anyone know out there that Chevy’s orange antifreeze cannot mix with green antifreeze or your coolant system will fry eventually?
Did Orvis Boy get pissed at me as he sucked the coolant out of my car with his mouth? Are you feeling like you are on car talk right now? Next thing you know I’ll be telling you to stick a sock in your 1968 Dodge Daytona Hemi carburetor to make it run better. Add some bad nasal laughter, a Boston accent, references to MIT and you have “Car Talk”.
So guess who had fun torturing car salesman? Now that I’m an older and wiser adult with my husbands perfect God Like Credit, I am the evil entity. I am a car salesman’s worse nightmare. I don’t budge on what I want for a trade in, I won’t budge on how much I want to pay a month, and I laugh at them when they try to tell me about all the cool shit that they are doing for me and how much it costs to build a vehicle. I get up, I smile and I walk away never to come back with them running after me flailing their arms like wounded birds.
Here is Sick Mike's son John's first "Real Buck". We have more pictures of the deer camp I couldn't make this year because Grandpa had a radioactive chip up his butt.
What does that mean? He can't babysit. Stupid...
Put it this way this is how much fun I had. A group of salesmen were sitting around talking at their boss’s desk. I walk in and ask...
“So why aren’t you all standing outside hovering around like vultures on this fine balmy evening.”
They didn’t think that was funny. Geez, I thought it was.
Oh so what did my husband end up buying me? A Ford F150 Super Cab LXT. Man, I’ll tell you one thing about being married to Orvis Boy. He’s either a frickin idiot or I’m the most spoiled little wifey out there. Do I deserve it? Hell yeah. Orvis Boy kisses the ground I walk on because what other wife out there is actually “the ultimate outdoor woman”. Ya know I can’t think of one. Can you?
He better kiss my ass or I’m leaving him for the Ultimate Outdoor Man. You know a guy that’s “Ultimate Outdoor Man” that makes over 25K a year. Am I saying I’m materialistic? Hell yeah. I like having more than 15 guns in the house, having three four wheel drives, two ATV, 50 fishing rods, two fishing boats, blah blah blah because you know a poor guy can’t afford the things it requires to keep me happy. Is that too much to ask? Is it? Am I clueless on how much money it takes for the “Ultimate Outdoor Man” to keep me happy?
ANYWAYS...
Do you think they can withstand the floods of this week?
I don't. 2005 may be sucky or will it?
I heard the Peninsula rocked for about a week and then suddenly...
The Monsoons of October hit...
The Pen instantaneously blew out. Flood warnings occurring everywhere. Hwy 112 became a sink hole and is growing with each drop trapping hundreds in the Neah Bay Area. I heard that my buddies were just slaying them in the Canyon of the Hoh and then the storm hit instantly blowing out the river. I was on my favorite river that day and could feel down to my bones the barometer dropping my insides also started to swell and threw everything but the kitchen sink at the coho I saw everywhere but to no avail. All we ended up with were a few pathetic take downs and kings.
Then the Windstorm blew in with the might of a hundred wind tunnels and Thursday found Washington with rock slides, mudslides, electrical lines down and flooding on all rivers. But this is no news to all of us that live here.
So all you out of towners are asking... How bad is it?
My gold fish pond flooded and killed all the gold fish inside. I saved one that was trapped behind a fern bow in a side channel. It doesn’t get any worse than that folks.
Sol Duc
Stand atop LineDecker Bridge now set up a Scotty Rod holder to the railing and put one of your heavy Gloomis Salmon Plug Rods in it and use a nice size 14 kwik fish, wrapped with anchovies, and let out about 100 feet.
Skykomish
Stop at Starbucks and get an Espresso. Now drift fish Hwy 2 from the sidewalk. Watch out for the occasional 16 year old passing by with her stroller and baby.
Raging River
This river is notorious for not having any bank access but not this week. Drive to Fall City and fish from the highway. I’d use a float and some roe because that trailer park garden is just going to make your life a living snag hell
Green River or the Skagit
Stand on the back of a flat bed and drive along the West Valley Hwy or Hwy 20 with four of your friends, this gives a whole new meaning to boon doggin
If anyone has been watching the news and they really want to get away for the weekend I’d so head down to Oregon. This storm system is going to go around and around in circles like a hurricane. This is also a good time to go hunting, screw fishing for a week do something else.
GO DUCK HUNTING GO DUCK HUNTING
Ducks don’t fly in a storm system, you know why am I telling you this?
Or be like me, buy a bottle of wine, call Sick Mike’s wife and tell her you have 50 year old hardwood floors underneath your carpet. Now watch as she goes to town ripping out carpet like army ants defoiling trees. Now stand by the door Sunday Night when Orvis Boy comes back from hunting. The expression on his face as he sees the carpet and liner in the front yard and all the tack strip lining the wall...
Priceless
It's too bad I don't pay him, ey?
Remember that windy day last week on the Snohomish?
I can see the white caps can't you?
A lot of important things have been happening in the World out there that I would just like to comment on and would like to be brief because today’s “All My Fishing Forums” is going to be a doozy.
Kobe Bryant is guilty. Hey Kobe don’t you know that a girl likes to wait for the third date for anal?
The Seahawks are 5 & 1. I dare not comment though the tough part of the season is over and all the teams left are a piece of cake. Will the Seahawks make it to the playoffs? Dare they go to the Super Bowl? Ya know, after all the decades that I have made fun of them I’d just like to say this. It wouldn’t be a bad thing.
The New Joe Millionaire
This is something to see. 14 drunken overly tan hot European gold diggers vying for the attention of a rodeo cowboy. We thought the American Girls were bad? Poor Butler Paul had to go out and buy Cooks Champagne because the girls already drank the good stuff in about an hour. Little does Fox know that European women stay up all night long drinking and sleep all day. They have their work cut out for them and the liquor bill might just break their budget. As for David the Cowboy?
Remember when Evan got head in the woods? David is going to get a lot more than he did, remember folks these are European Women and they have no sexual inhibitions they have nude commercials over there for Christsakes.
Rush Limbaugh
With all the controversy and burning him at the stake I would just like to take his side. Why is that? Is it because I love Oxycoton too? Nahhhhh---- my brother gave me some for being sore after pluggin all day so I took it with a glass of wine and had one of the best highs of my life. Orvis Boy said if I ever took it again he’d kill me because I was a total loop. But I really enjoyed the body high of sinking into the couch and becoming one with the television remote.
So just imagine Rush Limbaugh taking 52 to 100 a day, reports differ, no one knows but Rush himself and after taking that many I doubt if he even knows. No wonder he drew each word out as if struggling, I think he was trying to hide his slurring. I just thought that maybe a drug addict like Rush should get the same sympathy we give heroin addicts, PCP freaks, crack heads and crank heads. Oh, that’s right Rush, they don’t get a lot of sympathy from you do they? Your excuse is that it is a prescription pill? From what doctor? I’m thinking Dr. Feelgood but if it was 100 Dr. Kavorkian?
But let’s give Rush some sympathy, maybe this whole ordeal will make him a better person and maybe his show will get better or maybe it will get worse. Could Rush only get inspiration for his ravings and commentary from drugs? If this true, then he’s a true artist. Don’t ya think?
Remember folks we have to love Rush. He has the same mentality as my viewers and I. No one deserves any special privileges or sympathies. We are all the same and should be treated as such. We should all work hard and have nothing handed to us. No matter what sex, color, mental or physical disposition or handicapped (yes they can work too.)
Here’s some jobs the handicapped would be good at.
Guy in a wheelchair
They can hold up them orange slow signs while they fix the roads or better yet be a movable cone.
Retarded people
They can be coal miners just give them a pick and tell them they are digging for gold. They won’t know the difference. To make it even more realistic for them have them watch Snow White and put little dwarf caps on their heads.
The Blind
Airport Security don’t you think they’d be the perfect people to do body searches. Actually, some of the blind men might enjoy this job.
FISHING TIP OF THE DAY
Cohos are the main choice on the menu so here are a few tips.
They love size 13 Kwik Fish
Throw a blue, pink or green hoochie on a spinner, make sure it’s short
And green jigs in dead froglike salmon holes (ie refer to Humpy Page)
Now it’s what you’ve all been waiting for
He's spending too much time in the field isn't he?
I’m sorry one and all but this will probably be the last one till I find out no matter how nice I become sponsors are still weary of me and then I’ll go back to my old nasty ways. See I realized after fishing with some cool sports personalities and fishing with some famous fishing personalities that I really dig it.
As I was driving home from one of these trips a thought occurred to me that if I don’t do anymore personal attacks on individuals that annoy the hell out of me and the rest of the fishing community, I would gain a bit more respect and not be so taboo.
With that in mind I came home to find out that the people that I enjoyed making sport of were trying to pull down my web site. You know if these people wouldn’t make such idiots and asses out of themselves then we wouldn’t make fun of them now would we? You put a picture of yourself proudly holding an 18 inch shaker salmon, a tar baby spewing gallons of milt on you and yourself in smelly mothball jammies you are fair game.
I’m still getting emails from my faithful followers to go look at this link and that link with the “Angie you have to make fun of this.” Well, that’s fine and dandy but here’s a thought to my evil brethren out there.
WHY THE HELL DON’T YOU DO IT?
Why do I always have to do your dirty work and then pay the consequences for it? Why don’t you get the guts and make sport of the mentally challenged, gay bobs, and freaks of the internet. I’m sick and tired of doing it because then I have to deal with their shit. I don’t get anything out of it anymore and do you know why?
THESE PEOPLE ARE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THAT THEY MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK RETARDED, GAY OR FREAK LIKE.
THESE PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE THAT CATCHING ONE LITTLE TINY ITTY BITTY FISH EVERY TWO MONTHS DOES NOT MAKE THEM AN ACCOMPLISHED ANGLER
THESE PEOPLE ARE SO DEVOID OF ANY ACCOMPLISHMENT AND ARE SUCH FAILURES IN LIFE THAT THE CATCHING OF ONE SALMON EVERY TWO MONTHS MAKES THEM FEEL SUCCESSFUL. DO YOU THINK SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMEN POST ON SUCH FORUMS? NO THEY ARE OUT OF THE COUNTRY FISHING.
THESE PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE THAT THEIR SOCIALIZING ON THE FISHING FORUMS SCARES NORMAL PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN REALITY
THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKS, WILL REMAIN FREAKS AND WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE THEY ARE FREAKS.
I GIVE UP.
Now as I was thinking this on one of my long road trips I thought to myself about why we make fun of these people or why people make fun of each other in general and I did find the answer. It all goes back to evolution.
For example let’s take a caveman tribe. You got a fat tribal member, you got a stupid tribal member, you have a gay tribal member and you got a weak tribal member.
The fat tribal member is teased about his weight so that he won’t be so slow when running from the saber tooth tiger that will eat him.
The stupid tribal member is teased about his stupidity so that he won’t be so stupid as to actually run into a dead end canyon so that the saber tooth tiger won’t eat him.
The weak tribal member is teased about being weak so that he won’t be so weak as to not climb the rock face so that the saber tooth tiger won’t eat him.
So teasing is all about being eaten by saber tooth tigers? You ask?
Good God! I give up.
What about the gay tribal member? What do you think the saber tooth tiger would do to him?
So in today’s modern society we use teasing as a tool to help individuals make it in today’s world. If you are fat how are you going to enjoy physical accomplishments that are so pleasurable to most of us? If you are ugly how are you going to have relationships and not be depressed and kill yourself because you are too lonely?
Teasing and making fun of people is the way to get others to improve themselves. It’s for the person being teased own good.
Because if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong then how are you going to fix it and become a beneficial member of society?
Okay, I’m out of here.
Here’s an email from a purist fly fisherman explaining to me why some purist fly fishermen are so sensitive. Remember the experiment I did last month?. See if this makes any sense. It doesn’t to me but then I’m devoid of any higher level of feeling. I’ll stick to the basics because you know. This sounds way too complicated.
Enjoy...
One: I am a musician and feelings are the name of the game without those musicians are left with regurgitating scales and lessons. I am a much better player since I fell in love (now there’s a feeling) with my wife and more so since the birth of my son.
Two: Most don’t fish to put food on the table and if we did we sure as hell wouldn’t fly fish. I have a few lakers in the freezer and hope to put more fish in b 4 winter. But there is a feeling you and I and all get when we are out there. If you or your friends can’t sense it fine but if it didn’t make you feel good you wouldn’t bother.
So I guess the debate is to which feelings. We fish and hunt (or garden god help you) because it makes us feel something. Some want to quantify it some don’t who cares. But, and I am guess here, one thing you and I will agree on is this new need for men to pretend or truly be women! Get in touch with my feminine side …paa a lot of guys I know need to get in touch with their masculine side.
And I am sure you know this but you only get to say and do (if you say and do in real life) the things ya do because you are a women. If you were your size and a man you’d be getting meeting a stranger in the mirror every morning till you stopped. And if you were my size your knuckles would hurt and sometimes you might meet someone different in the mirror.
Everyone wants to share their pain in particular more than there feelings in general.
When I say FAOL is stuck in the 50’s I meant small fish. And you won’t find your kinda fellas there.
Robert Burton
Hello one and all!
Are we enjoying all the storms Mother Nature is sending us? I'm loving it because maybe these floods will finally clear out them pinks that are making all of us Puget Sound Anglers crazy. I think we should genetically engineer a pink salmon that instantly combusts right after the act of spawning. Don't you?
So what do you do when the Olympic Peninsula looks like it became part of the ocean and the salmon are knocking on the windows as they swim by in the Pugest Sound Area? Head East of the Mountains you dumbasses. Go fish the Grand Rounde, The Clear Water, or the Klickatat. Throw some spinners behind them fly boys and hold on! Or here's a thought. Why not join them and show them how it's done?
If I don't put up my half finish rant this week I'm sorry. My new truck and I are hunting with Sick Mike, Pretty Boy Dave and the lovely "Tough Chic". I've been busy fishing, truck hunting, and being a soccer mommy. You know I do have a life don't you?
Stay tuned for my next rant, I sympathize believe it or not with Rush Limbaugh, I'm not going to even comment on the Seahawks because I'm scared too, and I have a new mission statement for the ol' web site. I also need my viewers help about reventing it. I noticed a few things while playing with it that can be improved or should it? How many of you out there have 56K modems or better?
Till then.
CIAO!